With all the horror and death and destruction in the world, it is good to take some time out for a little humor now and then. Today we bring you the "Anti-Banana" society! Most would not even think of how evil they are, but we have it on the best of authroity that he following are actual factoids! Q: What do bananas, Hitler, and Napoleon have in common? A: Everything. Q: What did the banana say to the orange? A: You will die you orange bastard. Q: How do you spell b...
Well, after a short hiatus (Editors got better I guess) it is back! "Chirac Makes Case for EU Treaty"--headline, BBC Web site, April 15 Is the case going to hold the treaty? "Police Hold Woman Over Deadly Paris Hotel Fire"--headline, Reuters, April 18 Is that how you make a lady do a slow burn? "Thousands Circumcised in Morocco"--headline, Associated Press, April 14 Mass Circumcision. What will the Rev Moon think of next. "WHO: Virus Sent to Mexico, Leban...
NASA Fuels Shuttle Discovery - Foxnews April 14, 2005 And I always thought the Shuttles were made, not discovered. "Should Hillary Clinton Run for Presidents?"--headline, Associated Press, April 12 I guess THE President's job is not enough for the smartest woman on the planet. "According to monkeys, high taxes can make us work less and live more, writes Ross Gittins."--subheadline, the Age (Melbourne, Australia), April 14 Something even monkeys understand. I wonder...
"Study Suggests Geography Favored Kerry"--headline, Rocky Mountain News, April 8 Guess they have not learned that land cannot vote. Maybe a new amendment to the constitution would fix this problem? "Woman Says ME Took Her Brother's Brain"--headline, Associated Press, April 8 I NEVER! I did not take it! "Rabid Raccoon Confirmed in Nassau County"--headline, WINS-AM Web site (New York), April 12 Boy, I guess the Catholic Church is hard up for membership! And now f...
"Court: There's No Constitutional Right to a Lap Dance"--headline, Associated Press , April 5 We need a ruling for the court to know that??????? "An Awful Void Is Left After John Paul II"--headline, New York Sun , April 6 "Two Young Cubs Can Fill the Void"--headline, New York Sun , April 6 I knew the Pope was a bear of a man, but did not know they had already held the elections! "Woman Photographs Swan, Finds Hand Stuck in Ice"--headline, Reu...
"Pope to Be Buried Under Ground"--headline, United Press International, April 5 As opposed to where? "Hospitals Scrambling to Meet Nurse Ratio"--headline, Associated Press, April 5 That is one popular Nurse! Any Relation to Nurse Ratchet? "Booty, Hinds Find Their Comfort Zone"--headline, Los Angeles Times, April 4 Would that be in a chair, perhaps? "Rush to Buy 'Wrong Date' Souvenirs"--headline, CNN.com, April 6 Boy, they probably follow Limbaugh to...
WASHINGTON, DC --- Ted Kennedy, who was recently declared brain-dead by his physician, is fighting for his life. The Senator's family is trying to have his feeding tube removed to allow him to die a sober death. The tube, attached to a bottle of vodka and a bottle of gin, has been utilized by the senator for his entire adult life. Medical experts believe removal will almost certainly result in death. "This is a very complex situation," said one medical expert. "Senator...
"Schiavo Case Evolved Into Huge News Story"--headline, Associated Press, April 2 No wonder no one listens to the MSM. They were just realizing that on April 2? "Terrorism Case Puts Words of Muslim Leader On Trial in Va."--headline, Washington Post, April 4 If convicted, do they cut out his tongue and lock it up? "College Students Download in Dorm Rooms"--headline, Associated Press, April 2 I heard that they also Upload there! "Rats Like to Be Tickled, ...
"For the second time in a week, a woman was killed after being struck by passing cars while attempting to run across a busy Houston freeway."--Houston Chronicle, April 1 The Second coming of Lazarus? She should have learned the first time. "Teen Jailed After Violating Order ;akljdf ;alkdjf"--headline, Lexington (Ky.) Herald-Leader, April 1 Some papers just dont know how to cuss. "L.A.-Area Tsunami Could Cause Massive Damage--Study"--headline, Reuters, March 31 They need...
From the LA Times, a correction: An article in Tuesday's California section about hazing at Cal State Chico mistakenly said that a pledge to a fraternity at nearby Butte Community College died of alcohol poisoning. He did not die but was hospitalized. The article also said Chico has a population of 35,000; according to the city, the population is 71,317. In addition, University President Paul Zingg was quoted saying the school would shut down its Greek system if problems with hazing did not...
"Vermont Considers Doctor-Assisted Suicide"--headline, United Press International, March 30 Well, that will kind of eliminate Howard Dean's support base. "Millions of U.S. Kids Live With a Substance-Abusing Adult"--headline, FoxNews.com, March 31 We have to find that Adult! "Update: Hurd Promises 'Execution-Oriented Culture' at HP"--headline, Computerworld, March 30 Isn't that taking layoffs a little too far? "Why Sex Is Good for the Species: Process ...
"Report: Three Panthers Filled Steroid Prescriptions With S.C. Doctor"--headline, Associated Press, March 29 The Pharmacist shortage is getting severe when they have to resort to cats to do the work! "Philip Morris to Pay $18.8 in Smoking Case"--headline, Associated Press, March 29 Anyone got change for a twenty? "Harvard Study: Hitler Held Grudges, Craved Attention"--headline, Associated Press, March 29 Can I get a big DUH! No wonder they are slamming th...
Swank fined for bearing forbidden fruit - CNN.com - March 29, 2005 Did she give birth to an Apple? Swarming Sharks Close Florida Beaches - Foxnews - Wednesday, March 30, 2005 And who gave them the Authority? I thought that was the sole Authority of Chief Brody. "Schiavo Losing Weight, Her Parents' Attorney Says"--headline, Internet Broadcasting Systems, March 28 We need an attorney to tell us that? Guess Common sense is against the law now. "College Faculties a Most ...
Upon Learning that the Pope was on a feeding tube, Michael Schiavo declared he would take it to court and file an amicus brief ti have the tube removed. "What is good for the gander, is good for the goose." Michael declared of his actions. A strong death proponent, he has stated that no one should suffer with a feeding tube stuck in them as it is cruel and unusual punishment. Where as "starvation and dehydration is much more Humane. After the death of his wife, Michael has also st...
"Library for Blind Sees No Patrons in 9 Months"--headline, China Daily (Beijing), March 24 Betcha the patrons did not see any libraries either! "Minority Firm Led by a Dead Woman: County reviews company's qualifications for program"--headline, Chicago Tribune, March 26 Qualifications for Program? They should check out the Qualifications of a dead woman running a company!