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Dr Guy's Articles In Humor » Page 33
November 21, 2005 by Dr Guy
"Downer to Meet Rice"--headline, Daily Telegraph (Australia), Nov. 16 She must be so busy, she has to schedule her blue times as well! "Second Helping of Sheehan for Thanksgiving"--headline, Waco (Texas) Tribune-Herald, Nov. 15 Well, that proves she is a turkey! "Car Torching a Tradition in France"--headline, Associated Press, Nov. 16 An ancient tradition, started about 3 weeks ago? "State Department Building Evacuated for Major Water Leak"--headline, WJLA-TV Web site (...
November 21, 2005 by Dr Guy
"Downer to Meet Rice"--headline, Daily Telegraph (Australia), Nov. 16 She must be so busy, she has to schedule her blue times as well! "Second Helping of Sheehan for Thanksgiving"--headline, Waco (Texas) Tribune-Herald, Nov. 15 Well, that proves she is a turkey! "Car Torching a Tradition in France"--headline, Associated Press, Nov. 16 An ancient tradition, started about 3 weeks ago? "State Department Building Evacuated for Major Water Leak"--headline, WJLA-TV Web site (...
November 18, 2005 by Dr Guy
"France Takes New Steps to Fight Global Warming"--headline, Reuters, Nov. 15 I understand that cars are a cause of global warming, but burning them seems to defeat the purpose. "U.S. Attorney General Condemns Torture at Sydney Press Conference"--headline, Associated Press, Nov. 14 Them Aussies can be mean! "Retail Sales Outside of Autos Post Gains"--headline, Associated Press, Nov. 15 Inside of Autos, people are too busy Driving. "Sauerkraut Could Fight Bird Flu, Say S...
November 18, 2005 by Dr Guy
"France Takes New Steps to Fight Global Warming"--headline, Reuters, Nov. 15 I understand that cars are a cause of global warming, but burning them seems to defeat the purpose. "U.S. Attorney General Condemns Torture at Sydney Press Conference"--headline, Associated Press, Nov. 14 Them Aussies can be mean! "Retail Sales Outside of Autos Post Gains"--headline, Associated Press, Nov. 15 Inside of Autos, people are too busy Driving. "Sauerkraut Could Fight Bird Flu, Say S...
November 16, 2005 by Dr Guy
"A Year Later, Arafat Mourners Are Subdued"--headline, New York Times, Nov. 11 And Francisco Franco is still dead. "When Experts Need Experts"--headline, New York Times, Nov. 10 Followup:  When novices need novices. "CDC: More Flu Vaccine Should Ease Shortage"--headline, Associated Press, Nov. 10 And all the while I thought that more vaccine caused the shortage!  Gorrrllleeeee! "Seventies Oatmeal Still Tastes OK"--headline, Wired News, Nov. 14 WHo wants ...
November 16, 2005 by Dr Guy
"A Year Later, Arafat Mourners Are Subdued"--headline, New York Times, Nov. 11 And Francisco Franco is still dead. "When Experts Need Experts"--headline, New York Times, Nov. 10 Followup:  When novices need novices. "CDC: More Flu Vaccine Should Ease Shortage"--headline, Associated Press, Nov. 10 And all the while I thought that more vaccine caused the shortage!  Gorrrllleeeee! "Seventies Oatmeal Still Tastes OK"--headline, Wired News, Nov. 14 WHo wants ...
November 14, 2005 by Dr Guy
Yes!  Not Woodward of Bernstein, but little old me!  And it is insidious!  Worse than you can imagine!  And do you know who created this method? The Swedes!  Those peace loving people!  yea right! (They did invent dynamite too!).  So who wants to know the method!  I warn you now, those of the weak stomach, STOP READING! When we started preparing Gitmo for the terrorists, it had nothing!  So the GIs built the cells.  No big deal. Take some c...
November 14, 2005 by Dr Guy
Yes!  Not Woodward of Bernstein, but little old me!  And it is insidious!  Worse than you can imagine!  And do you know who created this method? The Swedes!  Those peace loving people!  yea right! (They did invent dynamite too!).  So who wants to know the method!  I warn you now, those of the weak stomach, STOP READING! When we started preparing Gitmo for the terrorists, it had nothing!  So the GIs built the cells.  No big deal. Take some c...
November 14, 2005 by Dr Guy
"Methodists Ask Court to Remove Judge in Suit"--headline, Clarion-Ledger (Jackson, Miss.), Nov. 9 Everyone knows, Judges are only supposed to wear robes! "Bombs: Thailand Vows Offensive"--headline, News24 (South Africa), Nov. 8 Bombs are usually offensive. "Turkey Hopes for Market Status"--headline, BBC Web site, Nov. 8 The giblets are demanding a separate lawyer. "Muslim Group Angered by Kirk"--headline, Chicago Tribune, Nov. 10 Guess they heard the star Trek Jok...
November 14, 2005 by Dr Guy
"Methodists Ask Court to Remove Judge in Suit"--headline, Clarion-Ledger (Jackson, Miss.), Nov. 9 Everyone knows, Judges are only supposed to wear robes! "Bombs: Thailand Vows Offensive"--headline, News24 (South Africa), Nov. 8 Bombs are usually offensive. "Turkey Hopes for Market Status"--headline, BBC Web site, Nov. 8 The giblets are demanding a separate lawyer. "Muslim Group Angered by Kirk"--headline, Chicago Tribune, Nov. 10 Guess they heard the star Trek Jok...
November 10, 2005 by Dr Guy
"Iraqi Plane Lands in Iraq After 25 Years"--headline, NewKerala.com (India), Nov. 6 Bet those flight attendants are dog tired! "Which Diet Is Best? The One That Works for You"--headline, HealthDay, Nov. 4 And here I was thinking it was the latest fad one! Duh! "Polls Show NYC Mayor Crushing Underdog"--headline, Associated Press, Nov. 7 Where is Mighty Mouse when you need him? "No Freedom for Hicks as Supreme Court Considers Legal Issues"--headline, Australian Broadcast...
November 10, 2005 by Dr Guy
"Iraqi Plane Lands in Iraq After 25 Years"--headline, NewKerala.com (India), Nov. 6 Bet those flight attendants are dog tired! "Which Diet Is Best? The One That Works for You"--headline, HealthDay, Nov. 4 And here I was thinking it was the latest fad one! Duh! "Polls Show NYC Mayor Crushing Underdog"--headline, Associated Press, Nov. 7 Where is Mighty Mouse when you need him? "No Freedom for Hicks as Supreme Court Considers Legal Issues"--headline, Australian Broadcast...
November 8, 2005 by Dr Guy
" 'Belligerent Drunk Man' Gets Into Fight"--headline, Associated Press, Nov. 2 Don't all beligerent drunks do that?  Otherwise they are not beligerent! "Falling Gas Prices Likely to Go Lower"--headline, Atlanta Journal-Constitution, Nov. 4 Shazaam!  I thought falling meant they were going higher!  Well, Gorrrllleee! "Voters to Decide Election Races"--headline, Bernardsville (N.J.) News, Nov. 2 Damn!  And just when I had my money on electonic voting ma...
November 8, 2005 by Dr Guy
" 'Belligerent Drunk Man' Gets Into Fight"--headline, Associated Press, Nov. 2 Don't all beligerent drunks do that?  Otherwise they are not beligerent! "Falling Gas Prices Likely to Go Lower"--headline, Atlanta Journal-Constitution, Nov. 4 Shazaam!  I thought falling meant they were going higher!  Well, Gorrrllleee! "Voters to Decide Election Races"--headline, Bernardsville (N.J.) News, Nov. 2 Damn!  And just when I had my money on electonic voting ma...
November 7, 2005 by Dr Guy
"Rice's Donations Outpace Hillery's in Mayor's Race"--headline, Havre (Mont.) Daily News, Nov. 1 Must be a warm up for the 08 Presidential race. "Pope Leaning to Rice"--headline, New York Post, Nov. 2 Break Makers up in Arms. "Nigerian Plane Skids Off Runway Days After Crash"--headline, Reuters, Nov. 1 Must have been using slo motion replay! "UNC Study Finds Soap Effective Germ-Killer"--headline, MSNBC.com/WNCN-TV (Raleigh, N.C.) You cant put anything over on them T...