"Bush Skewers Self at Correspondents' Dinner"--headline, Reuters, April 30

Is he trying to outdo Ford on pratfalls now?

"Up to Her Eyes in Gore, and Loving It"--headline, New York Times, April 30

That better be Tipper, or Al's in Big trouble!

"Half a Million Taught in Schools Without a Head"--headline, Independent (London), April 29

If this were the Navy, I would say they have a major bladder problem.  But perhaps now we know the reason Johnny cant read.

"Macs Are Virus Targets, Some Experts Warn"--headline, Associated Press, April 30

Good thing I only eat whoppers.

"Man Attacked Leaving Outhouse by Black Bear"--headline, KMGH-TV Web site (Denver), April 29

Next time leave it by the house, and the bear wont mind.

"Body Found in St. Paul Cemetery"--headline, Star Tribune (Minneapolis), April 30

Police report they are still digging and expect to find more.

"Christ Asks Judge to Maintain Operations"--headline, Cincinnati Business Courier, April 28

Is that like turning over the keys to the church?

"A team of government scientists has voted to capture one of a handful of jaguars known to live in the United States. . . . The decision still needs to be approved by game agencies in Arizona and New Mexico, meaning it could take until the end of the year before one is collard."--Associated Press, May 1

They are going to turn a jaguar into a vegetable?  PETA is not going to like that!