From the LA Times, a correction: An article in Tuesday's California section about hazing at Cal State Chico mistakenly said that a pledge to a fraternity at nearby Butte Community College died of alcohol poisoning. He did not die but was hospitalized. The article also said Chico has a population of 35,000; according to the city, the population is 71,317. In addition, University President Paul Zingg was quoted saying the school would shut down its Greek system if problems with hazing did not...
"Vermont Considers Doctor-Assisted Suicide"--headline, United Press International, March 30 Well, that will kind of eliminate Howard Dean's support base. "Millions of U.S. Kids Live With a Substance-Abusing Adult"--headline, FoxNews.com, March 31 We have to find that Adult! "Update: Hurd Promises 'Execution-Oriented Culture' at HP"--headline, Computerworld, March 30 Isn't that taking layoffs a little too far? "Why Sex Is Good for the Species: Process ...
"For the second time in a week, a woman was killed after being struck by passing cars while attempting to run across a busy Houston freeway."--Houston Chronicle, April 1 The Second coming of Lazarus? She should have learned the first time. "Teen Jailed After Violating Order ;akljdf ;alkdjf"--headline, Lexington (Ky.) Herald-Leader, April 1 Some papers just dont know how to cuss. "L.A.-Area Tsunami Could Cause Massive Damage--Study"--headline, Reuters, March 31 They need...
"Schiavo Case Evolved Into Huge News Story"--headline, Associated Press, April 2 No wonder no one listens to the MSM. They were just realizing that on April 2? "Terrorism Case Puts Words of Muslim Leader On Trial in Va."--headline, Washington Post, April 4 If convicted, do they cut out his tongue and lock it up? "College Students Download in Dorm Rooms"--headline, Associated Press, April 2 I heard that they also Upload there! "Rats Like to Be Tickled, ...
WASHINGTON, DC --- Ted Kennedy, who was recently declared brain-dead by his physician, is fighting for his life. The Senator's family is trying to have his feeding tube removed to allow him to die a sober death. The tube, attached to a bottle of vodka and a bottle of gin, has been utilized by the senator for his entire adult life. Medical experts believe removal will almost certainly result in death. "This is a very complex situation," said one medical expert. "Senator...
"Pope to Be Buried Under Ground"--headline, United Press International, April 5 As opposed to where? "Hospitals Scrambling to Meet Nurse Ratio"--headline, Associated Press, April 5 That is one popular Nurse! Any Relation to Nurse Ratchet? "Booty, Hinds Find Their Comfort Zone"--headline, Los Angeles Times, April 4 Would that be in a chair, perhaps? "Rush to Buy 'Wrong Date' Souvenirs"--headline, CNN.com, April 6 Boy, they probably follow Limbaugh to...
"Court: There's No Constitutional Right to a Lap Dance"--headline, Associated Press , April 5 We need a ruling for the court to know that??????? "An Awful Void Is Left After John Paul II"--headline, New York Sun , April 6 "Two Young Cubs Can Fill the Void"--headline, New York Sun , April 6 I knew the Pope was a bear of a man, but did not know they had already held the elections! "Woman Photographs Swan, Finds Hand Stuck in Ice"--headline, Reu...
"Study Suggests Geography Favored Kerry"--headline, Rocky Mountain News, April 8 Guess they have not learned that land cannot vote. Maybe a new amendment to the constitution would fix this problem? "Woman Says ME Took Her Brother's Brain"--headline, Associated Press, April 8 I NEVER! I did not take it! "Rabid Raccoon Confirmed in Nassau County"--headline, WINS-AM Web site (New York), April 12 Boy, I guess the Catholic Church is hard up for membership! And now f...
NASA Fuels Shuttle Discovery - Foxnews April 14, 2005 And I always thought the Shuttles were made, not discovered. "Should Hillary Clinton Run for Presidents?"--headline, Associated Press, April 12 I guess THE President's job is not enough for the smartest woman on the planet. "According to monkeys, high taxes can make us work less and live more, writes Ross Gittins."--subheadline, the Age (Melbourne, Australia), April 14 Something even monkeys understand. I wonder...
Well, after a short hiatus (Editors got better I guess) it is back! "Chirac Makes Case for EU Treaty"--headline, BBC Web site, April 15 Is the case going to hold the treaty? "Police Hold Woman Over Deadly Paris Hotel Fire"--headline, Reuters, April 18 Is that how you make a lady do a slow burn? "Thousands Circumcised in Morocco"--headline, Associated Press, April 14 Mass Circumcision. What will the Rev Moon think of next. "WHO: Virus Sent to Mexico, Leban...
"El Pasoans Hear Bells From Hotel Near Vatican"--headline, El Paso (Texas) Times, April 20 Them El Pasoans must have damn good ears! "The clash between the 100-mile-long iceberg and the 40-mile-long glacier near McMurdo station on the North Antarctic coast was first predicted by scientists in late December."--Associated Press, April 20 Can Someone point me to the Southern coast of Antartica? "Senate Nixes Navy Plan to Mothball Kennedy"--headline, Virginian-Pilot (Norfolk), April...
Rabbi Bloom was getting quite a reputation for his sermons. His synagogue was always packed because his congregation didn't want to miss a single one of his words. One Sabbath, one member had to go to another synagogue to attend a nephew's bar mitzvah. Because he didn't want to miss the sermon, he asked one of his non-Jewish friends to go in his place and tape the Rabbi's sermon. In that way, he could listen to it when he got back. When other members of the congregation saw what was going...
"CLARIFICATION: Sinners Unhappy With New Pope"--headline, Grand Forks (N.D.) Herald, April 22 Well, duh! Sinners are going to hate being told they have sinned! "Bad Gym Beam Sends Students Home Early"--headline, KYTV Web site (Springfield, Mo.), April 22 Kids should not be drinking in school anyway! "Bush, Saudi Prince Talking Crude in Texas"--headline, FoxNews.com, April 25 Good to know they can have some real man talk, instead of watching their Ps and Qs. "Study: ...
"Syrian Intelligence Still in Lebanon"--headline, Washington Post, April 27 Well, it is certainly not in Damascus. "Man Who Put Mom in Freezer Had Odd History"--headline, Associated Press, April 26 I would say he has an odd present too! "Ho Chi Minh Still a Giant in Vietnam"--headline, Associated Press, April 27 This just in, Francisco Franco is still Dead. "Jason Lorenti's Death Inspires Friends to Bring Drunk Driving to Stamford High Students"--headline, Stamford (C...
"Oil Prices Slide More Than $2.50 a Barrel"--headline, Associated Press, April 27, 3:25 p.m. EDT "Bush Lays Out Energy Plan As Prices Soar"--headline, Associated Press, April 27, 5 p.m. EDT That was a fast turnaround in only an hour and a half! "Ukrainians Recall Chernobyl"--headline, Columbia (Mo.) Daily Tribune, April 27 Shouldn't they have recalled it before it melted? "Shakespeare Dies After Getting Blown Off Boat"--headline, FoxSports.com, April 27 Talk about...