"Left-Handed Women Face Higher Risk of Death"--headline, Daily Telegraph (London), May 2

Greater than 100%????

"Suit: Cop Was Not Fit"--headline, Chicago Sun-Times, May 1

He needed an extra large I bet.

"66 Workers at Agency Had Records, Inquiry Finds"--headline, New York Times, May 3

Thre rest had lost their laptops.

"Sarkozy, Royal Butt Heads in 'Bad-Tempered' Debate"--headline, Agence France-Presse, May 2

Did the Royal Butt heads win?

"Wandering Dog Spray-Painted 'Go Home' "--headline, Associated Press, May 2

Message aimed at strays no doubt.

"Basking Sharks Risk Extinction"--headline, Discovery.com, May 2

Do they taste like Baskin Robins?  Is this another story that tastes like chicken?

"Heavy Drinking May Shrink Brain Size, Accelerate Mental Decline"--headline, Bloomberg, May 3

Yea, that is .......... what was I going to say?

"Court denies D.C.'s gun appeal" --headline, Washingont Times, May 9

Judge says guns are ugly.

"Iran to 'Break the Leg' of Enemies: Ahmadinejad"--headline, Reuters, May 4

All the world is a stage and we are but actors...........

"Skywalkers in Korea Cross Han Solo"--headline, Associated Press, May 3

Use the force young Skywalker!

"Gravity Machines on Rise in Health Clubs"--headline, Associated Press, April 30

Wouldn't they be "anti-"gravity machines then?

"Masks Might--or Might Not--Help Protect Against Flu, Scientists Say"--headline, Star Tribune (Minneapolis), May 3

Scientists might - or might not - know what they are talking about.