"Alleged Harlem Rapist Said to Be Spotted"--headline, New York Sun, April 19

All spotted people are now yelling "profiling".

"Keep Guns From the Insane: Obama"--headline, Chicago Sun-Times, April 20

I have heard Obama called a lot of things, but insane?

"Duck Loses Fourth Leg"--headline, Australian, April 20

Will he grow a fifth?

"Shark-Eating Dino Fossil Found in Utah"--headline, Discovery News, April 20

If you had not eaten in 65 million years, you would eat anything too!

"1787 Letter From George Washington Found" --headline, FoxNews, April 27

The US Postal service finally delivers.

"Study: Fat Workers Cost Employers More"--headline, Associated Press, April 23

Paid by the pound no doubt.

"Miss Buffalo 2007 Crowned"--headline, WGRZ-TV Web site (Buffalo, N.Y.), April 23

I heard she is a real heiffer.

"Zoo uses porn after Viagra failed for pandas" --headline, CNN, April 30

Naked pandas - the new porn fad.

"French Said to Outpace Americans in French-Bashing"--headline, Reuters, April 27

You heard it hear first!  They surrendered the most.

"Can Japan Make Bush Go Green?"--headline, Time.com, April 26

Sure, just serve him some eel sushi.

"Man With Dementia Attacks Dog With Mallet"--headline, Sheboygan (Wis.) Press, April 26

Dog with Mallet wins.

"Strip Club Hearing Largely Ignored"--headline, Seattle Post-Intelligencer, April 30

Who listens to the music????

"Woman Not Sure Rock Fathered Her Son"--headline, Associated Press, May 1

Paper and scissors also claim paternity.