There is an old joke about a farmer's daughter (they all begin that way) and a traveling salesman. The joke goes that the farmer lets the salesman stay the night, but he is not to touch his daughter. And to make sure he does not, he puts eggs all around his daughter in her bed. Well, as it goes, the salesman cannot resists, busts all the eggs and then realizes he is a dead man! But being a traveling glue salesman, he runs out to his car, gets some glue and glues all the e...
There is an old joke about a farmer's daughter (they all begin that way) and a traveling salesman. The joke goes that the farmer lets the salesman stay the night, but he is not to touch his daughter. And to make sure he does not, he puts eggs all around his daughter in her bed. Well, as it goes, the salesman cannot resists, busts all the eggs and then realizes he is a dead man! But being a traveling glue salesman, he runs out to his car, gets some glue and glues all the e...
"Optimists May Have Longer Lives"--headline, Reuters, Dec. 22 Pessimists think theirs are too long. "Uma Thurman Breaks Wrist, Shooting Delayed"--headline, United Press International, Dec. 23 Guess she has to be put down. "Diapers Not the Solution for Stones"--headline, St. Petersburg Times, Dec. 28 Jagger should stick with Depends. "Planet-Hunting Satellite to Be Launched Today by French Agency"--headline, Bloomberg, Dec. 27 Will surrender to first one it finds. ...
"Optimists May Have Longer Lives"--headline, Reuters, Dec. 22 Pessimists think theirs are too long. "Uma Thurman Breaks Wrist, Shooting Delayed"--headline, United Press International, Dec. 23 Guess she has to be put down. "Diapers Not the Solution for Stones"--headline, St. Petersburg Times, Dec. 28 Jagger should stick with Depends. "Planet-Hunting Satellite to Be Launched Today by French Agency"--headline, Bloomberg, Dec. 27 Will surrender to first one it finds. ...
"Man With No Pulse Considered a Medical Breakthrough"--headline, Globe and Mail (Toronto), Dec. 13 I thought they were called Corpses? "Leahy Wants FBI to Help Corrupt Iraqi Police Force"--headline, CNN.com, Dec. 13 teach them to take bribes? "Dueling Views Pit Baker Against Rice"--headline, New York Times, Dec. 8 Only wheat flower from now on! "Obama Takes First Steps in N.H."--headline, Washington Post, Dec. 11 I guess that is news! A 40 year old man just...
"Man With No Pulse Considered a Medical Breakthrough"--headline, Globe and Mail (Toronto), Dec. 13 I thought they were called Corpses? "Leahy Wants FBI to Help Corrupt Iraqi Police Force"--headline, CNN.com, Dec. 13 teach them to take bribes? "Dueling Views Pit Baker Against Rice"--headline, New York Times, Dec. 8 Only wheat flower from now on! "Obama Takes First Steps in N.H."--headline, Washington Post, Dec. 11 I guess that is news! A 40 year old man just...
"Microsoft Warns of New Word Attack"--headline, Sci-Tech Today, Dec. 6 Linux? "Chirac and Merkel Unite Over Turkey"--headline, Financial Times, Dec. 3 "I'll have another slice of white meat Jacques." "Sharpton Wants Police Shooting Probes"--headline, Associated Press, Dec. 3 They wont be deadly, but I would not moon a cop! "Deputies Shock Man Accused of Battery"--headline, News Star (Monroe, La.), Dec. 4 Was he charged after that? "Charges Dog Strip Club Owner"...
"Microsoft Warns of New Word Attack"--headline, Sci-Tech Today, Dec. 6 Linux? "Chirac and Merkel Unite Over Turkey"--headline, Financial Times, Dec. 3 "I'll have another slice of white meat Jacques." "Sharpton Wants Police Shooting Probes"--headline, Associated Press, Dec. 3 They wont be deadly, but I would not moon a cop! "Deputies Shock Man Accused of Battery"--headline, News Star (Monroe, La.), Dec. 4 Was he charged after that? "Charges Dog Strip Club Owner"...
"Pope Pushes Turkey to Protect Christians"--headline, CBSNews.com, Nov. 29 Just caaaaaalllllll For Super Turkey! Bawk, Ba-ba-bawk! "Arctic Gull Recorded in Southern Calif."--headline, Associated Press, Nov. 24 Guess not too many studios at the north pole. "Ohio Firm Recalls Turkey and Ham"--headline, Reuters, Nov. 24 "That was some feast you put on for Thanksgiving Ma!" "Oregon AD Moos to Resign, Will Stay Until March 2007"--headline, ESPN.com, Nov. 26 What do y...
"Pope Pushes Turkey to Protect Christians"--headline, CBSNews.com, Nov. 29 Just caaaaaalllllll For Super Turkey! Bawk, Ba-ba-bawk! "Arctic Gull Recorded in Southern Calif."--headline, Associated Press, Nov. 24 Guess not too many studios at the north pole. "Ohio Firm Recalls Turkey and Ham"--headline, Reuters, Nov. 24 "That was some feast you put on for Thanksgiving Ma!" "Oregon AD Moos to Resign, Will Stay Until March 2007"--headline, ESPN.com, Nov. 26 What do y...
"Scientists Find Genetic Differences Between Humans, Chimps"--headline, Daily Californian (University of California, Berkeley), Nov. 17 Gee, and I always thought they were identical twins. "Elderly Dying From Falls More Often"--headline, Associated Press, Nov. 16 Lazarus has nothing on the people of today who seem to be dying many times! "Frenchwoman May Be First to Lead France"--headline, Associated Press, Nov. 17 No wonder France is so messed up! It has never had ...
"Scientists Find Genetic Differences Between Humans, Chimps"--headline, Daily Californian (University of California, Berkeley), Nov. 17 Gee, and I always thought they were identical twins. "Elderly Dying From Falls More Often"--headline, Associated Press, Nov. 16 Lazarus has nothing on the people of today who seem to be dying many times! "Frenchwoman May Be First to Lead France"--headline, Associated Press, Nov. 17 No wonder France is so messed up! It has never had ...
"Cell Transplants Restore Sight in Blind Mice"--headline, Washington Post, Nov. 9 Can it replace their tails? "Bono Calls for U.S. to Repatriate Hicks"--headline, Associated Press, Nov. 7 Rednecks come home! "Ennis to Face Self in Superior Court Runoff"--headline, Telegraph (Macon, Ga.), Nov. 9 Will the best man win? "Owens Sentenced to Death for 3rd Time"--headline, WYFF-TV Web site (Greenville, S.C.), Nov. 13 He is doing Lazarus one better! "Official: Politici...
"Cell Transplants Restore Sight in Blind Mice"--headline, Washington Post, Nov. 9 Can it replace their tails? "Bono Calls for U.S. to Repatriate Hicks"--headline, Associated Press, Nov. 7 Rednecks come home! "Ennis to Face Self in Superior Court Runoff"--headline, Telegraph (Macon, Ga.), Nov. 9 Will the best man win? "Owens Sentenced to Death for 3rd Time"--headline, WYFF-TV Web site (Greenville, S.C.), Nov. 13 He is doing Lazarus one better! "Official: Politici...
"Hussein May Be Hanged by Spring, Lawyer Says"--headline, Los Angeles Times, Nov. 7 Are they running out of rope? "School Bus Injuries Much More Common Than Thought"--headline, HealthDay.com, Nov. 6 Appaerntly not a lot of thought in school busses. "The Geneva-based World Health Organization will chose its seventh leader this week."--Washington Times, Nov. 6 Not much job security in that job! "Has Madonna Become a Jew for Jesus?"--headline, MSNBC.com, Nov. 6 Most ...