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Dr Guy's Articles In Humor » Page 15
May 19, 2005 by Dr Guy
"Drug Case Falls Apart Falls Apart"--headline, Minneapolis Star Tribune, May 14 This is your Brain.  This is the Editors brain on drugs on drugs on drugs........ "Global Events Influence Grads' Lives"--headline, Tucson Citizen, May 14 They influence non grad lives too! "50 Cent Avoids Jail Time in Plea Deal"--headline, Associated Press, May 13 I want to get arrested there!  Anyone got fitty cents? "Well Endowed Fish Get the Girls"--headline, LiveScience.com, May ...
May 18, 2005 by Dr Guy
yep, we have a horse race here!  Alll bearing down on the greats of JU.  The greats are sneering as the usurpers fight among themselves!  We have: 6 Dr. Guy (43027) 7 Moderateman (40254) 8 BakerStreet (38140) As you can see it is very close and they are thrashing each other trying to catch up with the belles (and dulls - sorry Brad and Gideon) of the balls! And who will win?  No one knows!  But i...
May 18, 2005 by Dr Guy
"Cigars and Women Not Uncommon"--headline, Sun News (Myrtle Beach, S.C.), May 12 They forgot the subheadline - In the Clinton White House. "Iranians Hold Their Noses as They Pick New President"--headline, Guardian (London), May 13 Maybe they should give him a bath first? "Rand: Palestinian State Will Need Crack, $7.7 Billion Security System"--headline, WorldTribune.com, May 9 Maybe if they did not buy drugs, they would not need so much for a Security system? "Darth Vader a...
May 16, 2005 by Dr Guy
May 12, 2005 by Dr Guy
"Japan Airline Chair to Resign Over Mounting Safety Concerns" -- headline, USA Today, May 9 They let chairs resign in Japan?  I just throw mine in the dump! "Incumbants Face Many Challanges Come November" -- headline, WKBW-TV Web site (Buffalo, N.Y.), May 9 Yes, and they are called c-h-a-l-l-e-n-g-e-r-s.  That is why it is called a r-a-c-e. "Good News on Severed Goat Heads: Satan Not Involved"--headline, Reuters, May 10 That may get the devil off the hook ,but I don...
May 10, 2005 by Dr Guy
"Researcher: Ethical Journalists Not as Rare as Thought"--headline, Baton Rouge (La.) Advocate, May 4 Can we take them off the endagered species list now? "Judge Blocks Ex-Prober From Giving Oil-for-Food Docs to Congress" - Foxnews May 10, 2005 They had Proctologist on the Oil for food Panel? "State Dept. Won't Turn Over Bolton Docs" - Foxnews May 10, 2005 Doctors have rights too you know! "Being 'No. 3' in al-Qaida a Risky Job"--headline, Associated Press, May 5 Being ...
May 10, 2005 by Dr Guy
Maine has decided that it wants to be in  the Atlantic time zone.  An obscure time zone that contains Prince Edward Island, and little else.  One of the reaons given for the change are: On the plus side, Amtrak riders could leave Portland at 5:20 a.m. and arrive in Boston at 6:50 a.m., saving themselves an hour in the morning. "They would feel like they took the bullet train," Patricia Douglas, spokeswoman for the Northern New England Passenger Rail Authority in Portlan...
May 6, 2005 by Dr Guy
"Mime Plan's Language Draws Offense"--headline, Boston Globe, May 3 Did he give the finger? "Concessions Urged As Nuclear Fears Rise"--headline, Associated Press, May 2 Hot Dogs!  Get your red hot Hot dogs here! "Iraq Swears in New Government; One Christian in New Cabinet"--headline, Assyrian International News Agency, May 3 Maybe the Christian will stop them from swearing in government? "Study: Africa Worst Place for Moms, Kids"--headline, Associated Press, May 3 ...
May 5, 2005 by Dr Guy
"Jobless Programmer Gets Poop on Outsourcing"--headline, Houston Chronicle, April 29 I know people are upset about outsourcing, but to poop on them? "Hillary Clinton Makes Ohio Stop"--headline, Akron Beacon Journal, May 1 That on par with Atlas Shrugging!  She may not be smart, but she sure is strong! "Little Room for Sex Offenders"--headline, Orlando Sentinel, April 30 Political Correctness gone wild!  We use to call them jail cells! "Researchers ...
May 3, 2005 by Dr Guy
"Norwegian Court Convicts First Woman for Rape"--headline, Reuters, April 28 They dug up EVE just to convict her?  What about the statute of limitations? "Police who went to the aid of a distraught man jumping off a bridge in Seattle ended up shooting him early this morning."--KOMO-TV, April 29 Dont jump, you might hit someone.  Let the police shoot you instead! "Jail Official: Woman Who Hanged Self Seemed Disturbed"--headline, Tucson Citizen, April 29 Whew!  I...
April 29, 2005 by Dr Guy
"Oil Prices Slide More Than $2.50 a Barrel"--headline, Associated Press, April 27, 3:25 p.m. EDT "Bush Lays Out Energy Plan As Prices Soar"--headline, Associated Press, April 27, 5 p.m. EDT That was a fast turnaround in only an hour and a half! "Ukrainians Recall Chernobyl"--headline, Columbia (Mo.) Daily Tribune, April 27 Shouldn't they have recalled it before it melted? "Shakespeare Dies After Getting Blown Off Boat"--headline, FoxSports.com, April 27  Talk about...
April 28, 2005 by Dr Guy
"Syrian Intelligence Still in Lebanon"--headline, Washington Post, April 27 Well, it is certainly not in Damascus. "Man Who Put Mom in Freezer Had Odd History"--headline, Associated Press, April 26 I would say he has an odd present too! "Ho Chi Minh Still a Giant in Vietnam"--headline, Associated Press, April 27 This just in, Francisco Franco is still Dead. "Jason Lorenti's Death Inspires Friends to Bring Drunk Driving to Stamford High Students"--headline, Stamford (C...
April 26, 2005 by Dr Guy
"CLARIFICATION: Sinners Unhappy With New Pope"--headline, Grand Forks (N.D.) Herald, April 22 Well, duh!  Sinners are going to hate being told they have sinned! "Bad Gym Beam Sends Students Home Early"--headline, KYTV Web site (Springfield, Mo.), April 22 Kids should not be drinking in school anyway! "Bush, Saudi Prince Talking Crude in Texas"--headline, FoxNews.com, April 25 Good to know they can have some real man talk, instead of watching their Ps and Qs. "Study: ...
April 26, 2005 by Dr Guy
Rabbi Bloom was getting quite a reputation for his sermons. His synagogue was always packed because his congregation didn't want to miss a single one of his words. One Sabbath, one member had to go to another synagogue to attend a nephew's bar mitzvah. Because he didn't want to miss the sermon, he asked one of his non-Jewish friends to go in his place and tape the Rabbi's sermon. In that way, he could listen to it when he got back. When other members of the congregation saw what was going...
April 25, 2005 by Dr Guy
"El Pasoans Hear Bells From Hotel Near Vatican"--headline, El Paso (Texas) Times, April 20 Them El Pasoans must have damn good ears! "The clash between the 100-mile-long iceberg and the 40-mile-long glacier near McMurdo station on the North Antarctic coast was first predicted by scientists in late December."--Associated Press, April 20 Can Someone point me to the Southern coast of Antartica? "Senate Nixes Navy Plan to Mothball Kennedy"--headline, Virginian-Pilot (Norfolk), April...