I have been reading Tova's articles, and they really move me! Such a childhood, and to see what became of all that? A wonderful person.
But recently, someone (I forget now, so please, I did tell you I was going to write on this, speak up) recently talked about a bad childhood where the parents stayed together. At least for awhile.
My Childhood was nowhere near as bad as Tova7's I had a loving, if angry mother. And no father (faithful readers will remember that part). My Parents divorced when I was 4. He was an alchy, and altho a sister later re-established contact with him, he never changed. he died 4 years ago. So in all seriousness, I never really knew him. I kind of regret that, but for a father to abandon his son is a hurt that is not easily healed, and one I will not make.
I do not regret the separation. Indeed, I guess things (while hard) were for the best. And then in my life, I entered into a one way relationship, that did begat 4 children, but never had love from the other side, and after 20 years, I did divorce. My youngest was by 7. He is with me now, as my other son will be joining us soon.
I know from a kids perspective, that they want "mama and dad" to always be together and be a family. For the normal ones. But what about the broken families? Where it is apparent that the love is gone. Do they still? From my perspective, no, I am glad my parents divorced. But I hear so many stories of others that bear a grudge with one or both of their parents for separating. Indeed, one of my daughters bears that scar. She will probably never know of the lack of love, and I pray each night that she will never be her mother. (as my ex was so much like her mother).
But what do others of 'broken' families feel? And for the record, I don't think the families are broken, just that the marriage is, but if there was love, it created great things. And where there was never any, just a fool in love that is dumb as a stump.
Families are not broken as long as there is love for the children. Marriages are broken for many reasons, or, like mine, should never have occurred.
In any event, staying together for the sake of the family is NOT the answer. Even tho in my case, 1 and 1 is a split decision.