Yes!  Not Woodward of Bernstein, but little old me!  And it is insidious!  Worse than you can imagine!  And do you know who created this method?

The Swedes!  Those peace loving people!  yea right! (They did invent dynamite too!).  So who wants to know the method!  I warn you now, those of the weak stomach, STOP READING!

When we started preparing Gitmo for the terrorists, it had nothing!  So the GIs built the cells.  No big deal. Take some concrete, re-bars and viola!  Instant cells!  But were we going to lock them in a bare cell with no accouterments?  Hell no! We are America!  a chicken in every pot and 3 hots and a flop!

But did we ask the GIs to furnish these abodes?  hehehehehe!  No, that is when the department of Homeland Torture stepped in!

They made the terrorist make their own furniture!  But not any furniture!  Not the Furniture of Abe Lincoln and his Log Cabin!  No that would have been too easy!

Instead, the government went out and bought - brace yourself - IKEA Beds and chairs!  Arrrrrgghhhh!!

yes!  A torture more devious than a water board!  More dastardly than bamboo shoots under the finger nails!

And how did I stumble across this block buster bomb?  Was it careful detective work?  A careful review of government purchases?  A sneaky spy mission to Gitmo?

None of the above!  No, mine was worse!  It all started out with the innocent statement "Honey, I am going to IKEA, do you want me to get anything?".

YES!  I am the victim of the same torture!  After many long hours that blasted bed is put together!  Who in the right mind has more screws (metal ones you dirty minds) than Carter has Liver pills?  Bassett?  Nope!  IKEA!

The bed is together.  My wife thinks I am going to move it in 2 months!  I think I am going to volunteer for the suicide bomb squad instead!

Save yourselves!  The Swedes are torturers!  With no remorse for their evil ways!  

Arrgggggghhhh!   My aching back!

{anyone have a Swedish-English Dictionary?}