Debate, and discuss, just dont Bore me.
Man Awarded back Child Support for Child that was not his.
Published on September 7, 2005 By Dr Guy In Current Events

In a case that is precedent setting for several reasons, a man who raised and paid child support for his son, later found out that the boy was not his, but the result of an illicit liason of his ex wife and a friend.  The NJ Court of Appeals awarded the man the child support he paid, but since the man and the son have a good relationship (albeit very strained today probably), the court did not award any emotional or punitive damages.

I think this is an excellent ruling, but I have to wonder why the ex-wife was not also a party for the defendant, and why she should not also be penalized.  For in signing her name to the divorce documents, she in essence committed fraud upon the courts.  And is not the law written that you cannot profit from a crime, which she clearly is doing?

I feel sorry for the son and father (the one who raised him), but I have nothing but contempt and scorn for the ex wife and ex friend (who was made the Boy's Godfather no less).  The boy now has to live with the fact that his mother cheated on his father, and did not have the decency to admit it until 30 years later.  The father has a lot of anger, and in this case rightfully so.  At a betrayal that extends far beyond the act of cheating.

It is a hopeful sign that perhaps father's rights are not being shoved to the back burner and trampled on as they have been in the past.  But in exempting the mother from the lawsuit, the courts clearly made the statement that fathers are still second class citizens when it comes to their children.


Comments
on Sep 07, 2005
Guess I am a lone voice in the wilderness.
on Sep 09, 2005
Ok, I'll toss in a bone.

Hmmmm.... so this man was able to act as the father of a boy when some people can't have children. And now he is pissed off that he fraudulently got the rewards and difficulties of raising the person who calls him "Dad." Here's why I don't really care... some people would pay millions for that priviledge.

Also, one thing we can never know from that article. Were the wife and friend at that time lying to hurt the plaintiff or did they think they were doing the right thing at the time?

The wife and friend made a huge mistake. First the sex, then the lie. But things always aren't clear. Do you throw your marriage away because of one mistake if you still want to make a go of it? I don't have the answers for that. I have read articles about men who can't have kids, want their wife to get pregnant by sperm donation, but then can't handle that the kid isn't theirs. How do you know when to say and when keeping quiet makes things ok? And for some people, this IS ok. How do YOU know how to fix it when something seemed like a good idea isn't? Did the friend get to act as a parent? Did he want to?

Also, kind of a slap in the face to the kid. It's kind of like saying, "I love you but since you aren't mine, I want the money I put into you returned to me."

Rather, I respected that this guy had paid his child support even if turned out he shouldn't have. Obviously, he was the better person in that little sordid triangle. Now he seems just like another cheap bastard. I would also venture to say that this guy is emotionally cheap as well, since he needs the money for the stress caused instead of focusing on the benefits of raising a boy he still has a relationship with.

Maybe I am just too idealistic.
I don't have kids, but from what I see, it is a benefit in most cases.

As an interesting aside, according to this link, the national average for the percentage of child support collected from what is due is only 58%. Link

What does this say about father's rights?


Also, shouldn't your article have been "adulterers beware?" I don't really find this a cautionary tale for adulteresses. After all, the man (the third point of the triangle) had to pony up his cash for his genetic input. The court found this man just as liable as the woman.
on Oct 10, 2005

Hmmmm.... so this man was able to act as the father of a boy when some people can't have children. And now he is pissed off that he fraudulently got the rewards and difficulties of raising the person who calls him "Dad." Here's why I don't really care... some people would pay millions for that priviledge.

Sorry, it is called deceipt.  And while I love all 4 of my children, I dont like the fact that one of them was from an adulterous liason with someone else.

Priveledge?  How about fidelity?  How about honesty?  How about integrity?

Guess I am just an old fashioned fart!

on Oct 10, 2005
I have to agree with ya Guy. The "father" having to pay support for a child that wasn't even his is salt in an obviously open wound.

It's just wrong. Now, I would hope that the same court would go after the "real" father and force him to pay up on his obligation.

How about fidelity? How about honesty? How about integrity?


I guess we're both old fashioned because these days those ideas seem to have fallen by the wayside.