Same Sex or Opposite Sex

Which would you be more likely to forgive?

Published on August 3, 2005 By Dr Guy In Current Events

This was inspired by ForeverSerenity's question (link below) as to whether cheating with the same sex is cheating or not on your significant other. I think she got a pretty good response, and I dont really want to revisit that question.

Instead, I asked a question on the comments, but I dont really want to hijack her thread.

The question is: Would you be more willing to forgive your significant other for cheating with a member of the same sex or for cheating with a member of the opposite sex?

Now this does not mean you would forgive them in either case, but just what would be mroe likely?

And no, you cant be watching them as they cheat if that floats your boat. This is cheating, not a menage et trois.

There are no right and wrong answers, but I am curious as to how you feel about it. Just think of it as my sociology project du jour.

Thanks for you honest and candid answers.

Comments

Dr Guy

on Aug 03, 2005

Hopefully, this is just a hypothetical question for all of you.

Manopeace

on Aug 03, 2005

Cheating with ANYONE else while married is cheating.
and...if you watch...you are just as guilty!

Manopeace

on Aug 03, 2005

Hopefully, this is just a hypothetical question for all of you.

you really DO want those wings I see....

Texas Wahine

on Aug 03, 2005

While my husband was deployed, a friend and I kissed. I figured this would not bother him in the least, and in fact I thought he might be a bit pleased by it.

WRONG.

He was NOT happy about it. He didn't find it funny. He didn't find it cute. He didn't find it sexy. To him, it was just as upsetting as if I had kissed another man.

I think there's two ways to see it when it comes to cheating with the same sex:

a) It's less upsetting because it's not a reflection on you...there's not the competition factor.

It's more upsetting because you can't compete with it. If your spouse is gay, what can you do? You can't woo them back.

Personally, I don't think there's one that I would find better or worse. Both circumstances would be a betrayal of my trust and our marriage vows.

Texas Wahine

on Aug 03, 2005

Cheating with ANYONE else while married is cheating.
and...if you watch...you are just as guilty!

I disagree. If it's an agreement that you have within your marriage...how can that be cheating?

You can argue that people shouldn't have those types of arrangements in their marriage, but you can't argue that it's cheating when both partners agree to it.

Dr Guy

on Aug 03, 2005

Cheating with ANYONE else while married is cheating.
and...if you watch...you are just as guilty!

This is not a question of if it is cheating or not, it is rather would YOU be more likely (or quickly if you would forgive in either case) to forgive if the cheating was with a member of the same sex or opposite sex? I agree it is cheating, but we do have the choice to forgive the cheater.

Dr Guy

on Aug 03, 2005

you really DO want those wings I see....

I am just curious, and I hope that no one has to make this decision.

Dr Guy

on Aug 03, 2005

Personally, I don't think there's one that I would find better or worse. Both circumstances would be a betrayal of my trust and our marriage vows.

Ok, but which would you be quicker to forgive, given that the spouse wanted to be forgiven?

Dr Guy

on Aug 03, 2005

You can argue that people shouldn't have those types of arrangements in their marriage, but you can't argue that it's cheating when both partners agree to it.

If there was an agreement in the marriage, then I guess you would forgive them easily. But if we think of cheating as not being monogamous, then it can happen in any relationship.

Texas Wahine

on Aug 03, 2005

Ok, but which would you be quicker to forgive, given that the spouse wanted to be forgiven?

Well...if it turned out my spouse was gay, it would mean that we couldn't be together any longer. It would create a major upheaval in our lives and our children's lives...forgiveness for the lying and betrayal would take time, but the effects of affair would be much longer lasting because it would be the end of the marriage.

If my spouse was simply bisexual or curious, I believe it might spark a lot of self-doubt in me, but probably not more so than an opposite sex affair.

I really think forgiveness is a personal journey that involves so many factors that I really couldn't say one would take longer to heal and forgive than the other. I just don't know. I really don't see how anyone could confidently answer that question.

But if we think of cheating as not being monogamous, then it can happen in any relationship.

Cheating is betrayal of the marriage contract...the agreed upon terms of the marriage.

Dr Guy

on Aug 03, 2005

I really think forgiveness is a personal journey that involves so many factors that I really couldn't say one would take longer to heal and forgive than the other. I just don't know. I really don't see how anyone could confidently answer that question.

Ok, Uncle! So what office are you running for now?

Texas Wahine

on Aug 03, 2005

Ok, Uncle! So what office are you running for now?

Hhahahaha...this is the part where you remind me not to be so open-minded that my brains fall out, hehe.

Seriously, though...I have been cheated on, and I have cheated, and the forgiveness process is so individual (although there are stages and aspects that are common for most people) that I really don't think I could truthfully say that one or the other would be easier to forgive.

It's just such a personal process.

foreverserenity

on Aug 03, 2005

Tex already responded for me in the earlier responses!

But seriously, we agree in the respect of:

Personally, I don't think there's one that I would find better or worse. Both circumstances would be a betrayal of my trust and our marriage vows.

disagree. If it's an agreement that you have within your marriage...how can that be cheating?

You can argue that people shouldn't have those types of arrangements in their marriage, but you can't argue that it's cheating when both partners agree to it.

really think forgiveness is a personal journey that involves so many factors that I really couldn't say one would take longer to heal and forgive than the other. I just don't know. I really don't see how anyone could confidently answer that question.

I've already answered that in that blog I did, I can't recall word for word unless I go back to copy and paste. But it definately would be a long journey of healing for me too. I haven't experienced cheating in my marriage and hope not to. Until then,I can't really be fair with my response I can only say what I think I might do.

Interesting as usual Doc!

Hey Tex, sorry for "riding" on your coat tail but your responses were so to the point like I would respond!

Dr Guy

on Aug 03, 2005

Hhahahaha...this is the part where you remind me not to be so open-minded that my brains fall out, hehe

No, just hopelessly stuck in the real world that hypothetics have no place! Thank you anyway.

Dr Guy

on Aug 03, 2005

Interesting as usual Doc! Hey Tex, sorry for "riding" on your coat tail but your responses were so to the point like I would respond!

You women stick together! Ok, Uncle to you as well. You cant win an arguement with a woman, cause anything you say after she is finished is just the beginning of a new arguement.

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