My Neighbor is Morocan

Any tips?

Published on August 2, 2005 By Dr Guy In Blogging

For regular readers, most know that I live in a very multi ethnic neighborhood. With every continent represented (except antartica). My newest neighbors I guessed were muslim based upon the woman's attire. I met her over the weekend. Her son (he looks about 2) loves cats and was chasing some of ours. She appologized, and I told her dont worry. They are more afriad of him than their own shadow! Perhaps they will get use to him in time and let him pet them (all except Scotty, he is the nasty one).

I talked to her briefly, and introduced myself. She does not know a lot of english, and I approached her to shake her hand, but could tell or at least sense that was not acceptable. So I did not.

So, to all of you in JUWhoVille, anyone got a clue on etiquet with Morocans? I do not want to upset her, and we now do say hi and wave. But I do not want to offend her or her husband, but would like to let them know that we are glad they are in the neighborhood.

Suggestions? Advice? Dear Aebbey?

Comments

Dr Guy

on Aug 02, 2005

Ok, forum bump!

Manopeace

on Aug 02, 2005

Dear Abby or Dear Rabbi....
Here are some rules in general...
It is not acceptable to engage in conversation with a married Muslim woman if it is only the two of you present (applies only to males)
Never offer her a ride in your car if she is alone.
If you extend an invitation to the family for a BBQ or whatever, do it through the husband.
If she ever knocks on your door handing you cookies or any goodies... never kiss her as a sign of gratitude.
Handshaking IS permissable... but nothing more.
Best for your wife to make the first 'moves' in establishing a friendship with her.
There are no rules concerning the husband... remember that their society is very male chauvenistic..do not try to change that...I tried..it dosn't work.
Good luck!

Dr Guy

on Aug 02, 2005

Ok, killed 2 birds with one stone. I will try to meet her husband ASAP. I have seen him around some, but it looks like he does work long hours.

Until then, just waves and HI! And see if my wife can strike up a conversation. No need to reply on the other one.

The aebbey was trying to sound like Archie Bunker. How do you spell abby in redneck?

Manopeace

on Aug 02, 2005

How do you spell abby in redneck?

Dunno...ask Milner lol....

Leauki

on Aug 03, 2005

I think there are two questions to be asked in this case.

One is how you should behave towards Muslims from Moroco.

The other is how they should behave towards an American.

BOTH cultures have their own traditions and ways. Morocan culture might be chauvinistic, but this family has moved to America (I assume that is where you met them). They would expect you to respect Morocan culture had you moved to Moroco, so I think they ought to respect American culture when they live in America.

It is OF COURSE acceptable to engage in conversation with a married woman. Whether she or her husband are Muslims has no part in this. It is ALWAYS acceptable to talk to another human being. If one culture insists that it is not, that culture is changing the rules, not yours.

If you offend this man by talking to his wife, remember how offensive it ought to be for you that he treats his wife like that. That's not the American way and he better get used to it. His wife is just as much allowed to talk to strangers as he is. That's the culture of the country he decided to live in. That's the culture that created the country he wants to be a part of. Let him be a part of it, but let him not take it down to his level.

What you should do, I think, is this:

1. Don't do anything that could get the woman into trouble with her husband.

2. But nevertheless make it very clear that you regard the two of them as equals.

3. If you want to invite them to a BBQ or so ask HIM whether SHE would want their family to come. Make sure she can hear that you believe that this is a decision a woman could make on her own, and that this is completely normal in America.

4. Encourage your wife to become friends with the woman. I think it perfectly proper in western society to assume that women are more likely to have common interests. This should be the basis for the friendship, NOT the husband's belief that a man must not talk to a married woman. The view is still sexist, but western and defensible, I think.

5. Your wife should talk about you as an equal but also, in order to not let you appear weak, as the ceremonial master of the house.

6. Do NOT give up anything the western world has achieved over the last 200 years just to not offend this guy. He must get used to gender equality and the fact that neighbours talk to each other, because he moved here and because we are all humans. There is no reason for you to get used to the elements of his culture that so starkly contrast with yours.

Perhaps also learn about Islam to know when their holy days are and behave appropriately on these days. Respect their religion in their house but do not respect those parts of their culture that are offensive to yours. They have no right to offend you by demanding that you don't talk to another human being, just because she's a woman; because there is no reason not to talk to somebody else, unless you don't want to.

kingbee

on Aug 03, 2005

to demonstrate your sensitivity to your new neighbors unique cultural peculiarities, you might consider the following:

1. realizing they come from a nation ruled by a king, you may wish to let them know you have nothing but respect for their culture by enabling them to see you put a large check (say several tens of thousands us) into an envelope addressed to kingbee@joeuser.com and then permit them to deposit it into a mailbox for you.

2. since they are accustomed to befunding a royal figure, encourage them to do the same (for your efforts, you'll receive a commission amounting to roughly one-sixteenth ((1/18th)) of all 'royalties' they present)

3. rather than worry about bbqs, get them to prepare a traditional 7 course meal for you by frequently tossing out broad hints such as 'jeez i really love hummus' and 'the only thing better than a baked squab is two of em'. since they're just arrived here, don't be too insistent on them providing a bellydancer or hashish. TIPS: a.don't be too eager to grab that pastilla cuz dem mofos can burn the hell outta your tongue; b. without being too obvious, check out how carefully your host & hostess wash their hands with the traditional rosewater ablution at the beginning of each course...cuz you'll be eating most of this stuff outta a common bowl with your hands.

4. practice spelling morocco and moroccan in case you need to have any written communication with or about them or (in the case of mr brehm especially) you feel compelled to dispense advice about moroccans without immediately eroding your credibility.

theknitter

on Aug 03, 2005

oooops! Sorry, I misread the headline - I thought it read:> My Neighbor is a Moron. Anyway with Morrocans it's a good idea to mention the Master Musicians Of Joujouka .... a few years ago a popular Beat Combo by the name of the Rolling Stones recorded them for one of their musical albums - I think the song was called Continental Drift - but by any standards the musical fusion was very good.

Leauki

on Aug 03, 2005

If you find typos, you can keep them.

Dr Guy

on Aug 03, 2005

Reply By: Andrew J. Brehm

Excellent advice, but I think you may have mis-understood me. I dont want to change, yet I sensed at the first meeting that she was uneasy since her husband was not around. As far as I can see, she is happy with her role in life as a Muslim, and since she is not being abused, I have nothing to say on how they interact. Still, when meeting them, I would prefer to put them at ease and not cross a social morey. Respecting someone's cultural differences is not bending to their way.

I do not intend to change my life or life style, nor will I stop eating Pork. But by the same token, I would not think of serving pork should we become friends and invite them over for dinner. Just as I would not serve hamburgers to a vegan.

Dr Guy

on Aug 03, 2005

Women are not allowed to look any man in the eye except their husbands, so make sure your wife looks at the ground when speaking to the male neighbor.

Actually, (and as an update), I think my wife did look him in the eye when she gave him a jump to get his car started. We are not going to convert to their way of life, but that does not mean we cant respect their way of life either. That is all I am saying. And for the record, we did grill pork over 4th of july, and they were living there then.

Dr Guy

on Aug 03, 2005

1. realizing they come from a nation ruled by a king, you may wish to let them know you have nothing but respect for their culture by enabling them to see you put a large check (say several tens of thousands us) into an envelope addressed to kingbee@joeuser.com and then permit them to deposit it into a mailbox for you.

I did not realize I was playing straight man to a comedic routine!

Dr Guy

on Aug 03, 2005

Anyway with Morrocans it's a good idea to mention the Master Musicians Of Joujouka ....

I will take a look at them. I have never heard any music coming from their house as they do appear to be a very quiet family.

Dr Guy

on Aug 03, 2005

Ah yes, he is sure to wow them with his cultural knowledge by mentioning the one Moroccan band anyone in America has ever heard of because of their collaboration with the Stones. That's bound to make them feel right at home.

I think I will stick to what I do know and not put on airs. I have never heard of that band (But then I am not a big stones fan anyway).

Dr Guy

on Aug 03, 2005

Too bad you didn't recognize the humor (sarcasm) in my responses too.

Oh well, I tried.

I saw the sarcasm in your response, but I was asking a serious question. I did not object to it.

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