"Antarctica Ice Cap Growing, Another Sign of Warming"--headline, Palm Beach (Fla.) Post, May 20

Call Kurt Vonnegut!  They found Ice 9!

"Conservationists Track Jaguars From Space"--headline, MSNBC.com, May 20

No intelligent life found yet, but big Cats seem to be landing!

"Jobless Workers Could Lose Jobs"--headline, South Bend (Ind.) Tribune, May 20

Uh, isn't that like closing the barn door after the cow has already escaped? Shouldn't they have warned the poor stiffs before they became jobless?

"Doctors Say During a Heart Attack, Make Sure You Call 911"--headline, KTUU-TV Web site (Anchorage, Alaska), May 17

Can't I get someone who is not having the heart attack to make the call????? I am kind of busy.

"With More Private Giving, Bloomberg Forges Ties"--headline, New York Times, May 23

Must be a hot market for fake ties!