"I would rather have a German division in front of me than a French one behind me." --- General George S. Patton

"Going to war without France is like going deer hunting without your accordion." Norman! Schwartzkopf

"We can stand here like the French, or we can do something about it." ---- Marge Simpson

"As far as I'm concerned, war always means failure"
---Jacques Chirac, President of France
"As far as France is concerned, you're right." ---Rush Limbaugh

"The only time France wants us to go to war is when the German Army is sitting in Paris sipping coffee." --- Regis Philbin

There was a Frenchman, an Englishman and beautiful young woman sitting together in a carriage in a train going through a French Provence. Suddenly the train went through a tunnel and, as it was an old style train, there
were no lights in the carriages and it went completely dark. Suddenly there was a kissing noise and the sound of a really loud slap. When the train came out of the tunnel the woman and the Englishman were sitting as if nothing had happened, and the Frenchman had his hand against his face where he had been slapped. The Frenchman was thinking: 'The English fella must have kissed her, and she missed him and slapped me instead.'  The woman was
thinking: 'The French fella must have tried to kiss me, and actually kissed the Englishman and got slapped for it.' And the Englishman was thinking: This is great. The next time the train goes through a tunnel I'll make another kissing noise and slap that French bastard again.'

Next time there's a war in Europe, the loser has to keep France.

An old saying: Raise your right hand if you like the French.... Raise both hands if you are French. 

 

"You know, the French remind me a little bit of an aging actress of the 1940s who was still trying to dine out on her looks but doesn't have the face for it." ---John McCain, U.S. Senator from Arizona

"You know why the French don't want to bomb Saddam Hussein? Because he hates America, he loves mistresses and wears a beret. He is French, people." --Conan O'Brien

"The last time the French asked for 'more proof' it came marching into Paris under a German flag." --David Letterman

How many Frenchmen does it take to change a light bulb?
One. He holds the bulb and all of Europe revolves around him.

The jokes have taken on a life of their own. Americans love them. For instance, Jay Leno says it's no surprise the French won't help us get Saddam Hussein out of Iraq. They didn't help us get Germany out of France, either. 
 

Still, it's essential for them to join us in the war against Iraq. They can teach the Iraqis how to surrender.  

And why are French streets tree-lined? So the Germans can march in the shade.   

How many Frenchmen does it take to defend Paris? No one knows. It's never been tried.  

What do you call 100,000 Frenchmen with their hands up? -The army.
How many gears does a French tank have? Five, four in reverse and one forward (in case of attack from behind).

 

Dennis Miller specializes in anti-French humor. "The only way the French are going in is if we tell them we found truffles in Iraq," Miller says.

"The French are always reticent to surrender to the wishes of their friends and always more than willing to surrender to the wishes of their enemies."