"Lawmakers to Consider Spanking Ban"--headline, WCVB-TV Web site (Boston), Nov. 27

 They are tired of getting them no doubt.

"Flea's Home Destroyed by Wildfire"--headline, KXAS-TV Web site (Dallas), Nov. 26 

 No more Flea Circus

" 'Law & Order' Returns Wednesday"--headline, Associated Press, Dec. 4

 Until then, every one for themself!

"Turkey Shoots at Jones Hunting Preserve"--headline, "Today's Events," Kingsport (Tenn.) Times-News Web site

 Thanksgiving Revenge!

"Former Mass. Governor Endorses Romney"--headline, Associated Press, Dec. 4 

 He endorsed himself?

"Elephant Breeding Under Fire"--headline, Seattle Post-Intelligencer, Dec. 4

 Last of the BIG hot lovers?

"Sixty Percent of Amazon to Be Destroyed by 2030"--headline, Pravda.ru, Dec. 6

 This book burning has gotten way out of hand!

"Arrest Warrants Issued in Malibu Fire"--headline, Associated Press, Dec. 14

 Sources report the warrant went up in flames as well.

"1-ton rodent remains discovered" --headline, CNN, Jan 16

 Yea, kind of hard to hide that sucker.

"Bus Driver Allegedly Asks Decoy for Sex"--headline, Associated Press, Dec. 20

 Cant trust a wooden duck!

"Montgomery Co. Police Seek Police Impersonators"--headline, WJZ-TV Web site (Baltimore), Dec. 30

 Calling all Strippers?

"Owner of the Weather Channel May Be Sold?"--headline, Associated Press, Jan. 3

 Boy!  Let your ratings fall, and your life is no longer yours!

"Jeff Davis Appoints Supervisor"--headline, Hattiesburg (Miss.) American, Jan. 7

 Would that be Robert E. Lee?

"Boozing Is Good for You"--headline, Daily Mirror (London), Jan. 9

 I'll drink to that!

"Bush Says 'Hope Is Returning' to Iraq Due to Surge"--headline, Associated Press, Jan. 12

 He is always there for the troops.

"Suspect in Slain NC Marine Case Spotted"--headline, Associated Press, Jan. 13

 Must be a leopard.

"Cleopatra Hairdresser Dies, Aged 85"--headline, ABC News Web site (Australia), Jan. 13

 I think they forgot about 2000 years.

"Packers Know Giants Are Different Team"--headline, Associated Press, Jan. 17

 The different colored jerseys were a dead give away.

"Washington Girls Knock Off Lincoln"--headline, Examiner.com, Jan. 15

 They hate having to share their father's birthday with anyone!

"Most Women Who Abort Are Mothers"--headline, Seattle Post-Intelligencer, Jan. 18

 Good to know fathers are doing it.

"Warnings of Lead in Venison Irk Hunters" --headline, Tampa Bay Online/AP, Mar 31

 Isn't that is what killed the deer?