"Local Man to Reproduce, Sell Texaco Fire Hats"--headline, Grand Rapids (Mich.) Press, Sept. 24
Hermaphrodite!
"New Xerox Products Promise Deep Cuts"--headline, Associated Press, Sept. 24
Are they being sold to the federal government?
"Firefighters Practice on Airplane"--headline, Tallahassee (Fla.) Democrat, Sept. 25
Fire at 30,000 feet!
"Amputated Leg Found in Second-Hand Smoker"--headline, Rocky Mountain News (Denver), Sept. 26
Well, they do claim second hand smoke is hazardous to your health.
"Plants Fall Silent"--headline, Saginaw (Mich.) News, Sept. 25
Silent Spring?
"Too Much, Too Little Sleep Doubles Risk of Death, Study Finds"--headline, FoxNews.com, Sept. 25
People are now 200% likely to die?
"Activists Want Rates on Adjustable-Rate Mortgages Frozen"--headline, Plain Dealer (Cleveland), Sept. 27
Psst! I think those are called fixed rate mortgages.
"Limits Urged on Time Travelers Must Wait in Planes"--headline, Arizona Republic, Sept. 26
"Only 3 23rd century people allowed off today!"
"Stadium Officials Want to Shoot Down Pigeons Pooping on Fans"--headline, Dayton Daily News, Sept. 28
"You pigeons could not sly your way out of a wet paper bag!"
"Texas Facing Wild Hog Explosion"--headline, Time.com, Sept. 28
Pull The Cork!
"Hookers to Help Sheriff Balance the Books"--headline, Flint (Mich.) Journal, Oct. 4
Gives a whole new meaing to "free Enterprise"!
"Pawtucket Fires Two Dispatchers After Death"--headline, Associated Press, Oct. 3
Memo from Personnel: No sick time to be taken, even in the event of death.
"Gurley Man Sues City Club for Rough Toss"--headline, Huntsville (Ala.) Times, Oct. 9
Schwarzenegger in Alabama?
"Study Says Balls Boost Abdominal Workouts"--headline, Ann Arbor (Mich.) News, Oct. 9
Sorry ladies, you do not have the equipment.
"Zero of 7 Convicted in Sears Tower Plot" --headline, Foxnes, Dec 14
The Borg have landed.
"Colin Powell to Visit Idaho for Korean Summit"--headline, KTVB-TV Web site (Boise), Oct. 11
Guys just have to get off this kick of not asking directions!
"Hunt for Extra-Terrestrial Life Starts in California"--headline, Agence France-Presse, Oct. 11
Jerry Brown exposed!