"Many Found Sexually Active Into the 70s"--headline, New York Times, Aug. 23

The 80s were a drag decade tho.

"Pigeons Took Toll on Minn. Bridge"--headline, Boston Globe, Aug. 23

"Pay up or we poop!"

"Warner Brothers to Turn All 15 Oz Books Into Movies"--headline, Slashdot.org, Aug. 22

Pounders and above were deemed too heavy of a subject matter.

"Japanese Researchers Freeze Ovaries, Put Them Back"--headline, Agence France-Presse, Aug. 23

And they wonder why we have Mad Cow Disease.

"WHO: Infectious Diseases Spread Faster"--headline, Associated Press, Aug. 22

I dunno, but we better stop them.

"Study: Men With 'Cavemen' Faces Most Attractive to Women"--headline, LiveScience.com, Aug. 23

So that is why Geico keeps running those stupid commercials.

"Chemists Figure Out What Makes Coffee Bitter"--headline, LiveScience.com, Aug. 23

I would be bitter too if you roasted my nuts!

"Cuba Foreign Minister Says Castro Health Rumors Untrue"--headline, WTVJ-TV Web site (Miami), Aug. 24

This just in - Fidel Castro's condition remains unchanged.  He is still dead.

"Hot Weather Supposed to Bring On Cooler Temps Forecasters Say"--headline, Herald Leader (Lexington, Ky.), Aug. 27

Yay for Global Warming!  Oh, wait - boo!  I hate the cold.

"Hungary Devour Italy"--headline, Khaleej Times (Dubai, United Arab Emirates), Aug. 24

Turkey and Greece next?

"Biden Says Bush Wants to Delay Chaos"--headline, Associated Press, Aug. 29

New Presedential Platform - Unleash Chaos!  And let slip the dogs of.......

"Clinton, Edwards Butt Heads"--headline, Portsmouth (N.H.) Herald News, Aug. 28

I dont like either, but I wont go so far as to call them Butt heads.

"Face Transplants May Be Safer Than Thought, Researchers Say"--headline, Courier-Journal (Louisville, Ky.), Aug. 29

There goes that thought again.  Do not think!  It is dangerous!

"10 Years Later, Mother Teresa Remembered"--headline, Associated Press, Sept. 5

Pretty neat trick for someone who is dead.  I hope I remember after I die too!

"Bush War Leaves Central African Villages Deserted"--headline, Reuters, Aug. 30

Now they are blaming Iraq for deserted African Villages!  What next?  Did the Col get this one yet?

"Iran Replaces Revolutionary Guards' Head"--headline, Forbes.com, Sept. 1

They replaced it with a Butt and no one noticed.

"Officers Shoot Bull Running on Freeway"--headline, Deseret Morning News (Salt Lake City), Aug. 31

"Hey Joe, didya see that fox in that convertible?"

"First American Expects to Cut Another 1,300 Jobs"--headline, Reuters, Sept. 4

Even the founding fathers had labor problems.

"Woman Accused of Giving 9-Year-Old Gin"--headline, Associated Press, Sept. 6

Scotch ages, Gin just stinks with age. 

"New Yorker Finds Roommate Dead, Second Time in a Year"--headline, FoxNews.com, Sept. 6

Dont revive him this time!  If he did not learn his lesson the first time, tough!