"Experts: Safeguards Lacking on Cadavers"--headline, Associated Press, March 8

Can't have that!  They might hurt themselves.

"Property Casualty Insurers Association Tells New Jersey Senate That Boats Are Not Automobiles"--headline, SNLi.com, March 8

Next lesson?  "Dick and Jane".

"Harvey Milk Sculpture Planned for SF"--headline, Associated Press, March 9

Is that the whey to create a sculpture?

"Report: Mayo in Car Stopped by Police"--headline, Charleston (W.Va.) Gazette, March 10

Maybe they took "Hold the Mayo" a little too literally.

"State Workers in Store for Salary Hike"--headline, Topeka (Kan.) Capital-Journal, March 9

No wonder state workers rarely get raises!  No one tells them which store!

"Bush to Meet With New Mexican President"--headline, Associated Press, March 13

Guess Bush is backing Richardson in 08.

"Report: US to Assist Libya With Nuck Power Plant"--headline, Jerusalem Post, March 12

What will the fuel be, grouse?

"Suspect in Cop Killing Won't Face Death"--headline, Denver Post, March 13

Kill a cop and live forever????

"Pope Wins Wal-Mart Bass Fishing League Event on Lake Murray"--headline, FishingWorld.com, March 12

Preliminaries are over, now he has to win the Fisher of men category.

"South Dakota Art Center Stops French Performance With Vomiting, Simulated Sex"--headline, Associated Press, March 12

French performances usually have that affect on audiences.