"Don't Flee Fires Too Late, Experts Warn"--headline, Australian, Oct. 18

"Wait, I have to finish this round of Bridge!"

"Germany Sentenced to Prison and Ordered to Pay Restitution"--headline, Associated Press, Oct. 16

Kurt Russel's next movie: Escape from Deutschland!

"Man Threatens to Jump, Survives Fall"--headline, Associated Press, Oct. 16

Whew!  Glad he did not jump, and only fell!

"Teen's Tongue Piercing Linked to Pain"--headline, Associated Press, Oct. 17

Gives new meaning to the promise "this wont hurt a bit".

"U.S. May Have Weeks, Not Months, to Avert Civil War, Adviser Warns"--headline, San Francisco Chronicle, Oct. 18

Well, they are only 145 years late.

"Ex-Officer Is Being Retried in Death"--headline, Richmond Times-Dispatch, Oct. 18

"Dig him up!  We are not finished with his trial yet!"

"Experts: Some Women Perform Well in Math"--headline, Associated Press, Oct. 19

Non-Experts: Some women do not perform well in math.  Who to believe?

"Rice in Asia"--headline, "Marketplace" Web site (American Public Media), Oct. 19

Sand in the Mid East, Coals in Newcastle, etc.

"FBI Joins Lincoln Probe"--headline, Enterprise (Brockton, Mass.), Oct. 19

Those conspiracy theorist just will not let go of any subject!

"Neighborhood House Keeps Moving Forward After 100 Years"--headline, Seattle Times, Oct. 20

Usually it is just the neighbors moving away, not taking the house with them!

"Job at PC Plant May Raise Risk of Cancer Death"--headline, Reuters, Oct. 19

Finally!  Proof!  Political Correctness causes cancer!

"Bird Flu Vaccine May Be More Protective Than Thought"--headline, Canadian Press, Oct. 18

Thought is not very protective. "I thought I was wearing a condom.  Honest!"

"Spanish King Denies Shooting Drunk Bear"--headline, Associated Press, Oct. 19

Bear says it was a pink king, but he did not ask the name of who shot him.