"US Says Still Searching for Mideast Peace Plan"--headline, Reuters, July 21

Might want to check the Rose Law Firm Records.

"UN to Hold 'Beauty Contest' to Pick New Secretary General"--headline, Independent (London), July 21

May not be any more effective than Kofi, but at least she will be better to look at.

"Neenah Police Look to End Public Urination"--headline, Oshkosh (Wis.) Northwestern, July 20

They should have called the plumber before it got to that.

"Woodpecker Halts Ark. Irrigation Project"--headline, Associated Press, July 20

Woddy lost his mate, and Noah wont let him board without her.

"Head Online for Advice on Heart Attack"--headline, HealthDay.com, July 22

I would rather head to the hospital.

"Misplaced Bus Stops in Limbo"--headline, East Valley Tribune (Mesa, Ariz.), July 1, 2003

No wonder the bus is misplaced.

"Stalled Chandler High-Rise Up in Air"--headline, East Valley Tribune (Mesa, Ariz.), July 25, 2006

I have not seen too many High Rises in a cave.

"ONTARIO: Camper Kills Attacking Bear With Knife"--headline, Grand Forks (N.D.) Herald, July 24

Bears  are arming themselves better today.

"Savage Woman Must Pay Large Water Bill"--headline, KSTP-TV Web site (Minneapolis), July 24

Docile ones get a price break.

"Army Officer Arrested for Fondling Privates"--headline, Chosun Ilbo (South Korea), July 24

Should have stuck to Officers.