"Indonesia Begins Slaughtering Poultry"--headline, Associated Press, June 1

They were eating live ones before?

"Attorney General Wins Round in Poultry Suit"--headline, Associated Press, May 31

A harris tweed would probably have gotten more respect.

"Dean to Enter Plea in Leg-Biting Case"--headline, Associated Press, May 26

The scremer is now a biter?

"Bush: Security Council Could Loom for Iran"--headline, Associated Press, June 1

Guess Iran is running out of Persian rug makers.

"Alleged Thief Squeezes Calves in Small Car"--headline, Associated Press, May 31

Next time, steal an SUV.

"Nicole Kidman's Urban Sex Ban"--headline, BANG Showbiz, June 1

Sex in the city is dead.

"Brooklyn Woman Rescued After 24 Hours on Cliff"--headline, WNBC-TV Web site (New York), June 2

Cliff says best day of his life!