Family First

Published on May 18, 2006 By Dr Guy In Blogging

Has anyone heard those commercials? We are being inundated with them. How you should do this and that for your family. Some are common sense, few are actually enlightening. But some are just wrong!

Wrong? Yes. Sorry. Maybe I am a bad parent. But the latest is "reward your child for good grades". Sorry, I don't buy that. You do not reward for expectations (lets not go into the the differently abled and their incentives - lets stick with the mainstream).

I was never rewarded. None of my siblings were either. And I don't reward mine. I reward them for outstanding awards! Like my youngest son! But good grades (with the awareness of ability) are expected. I do not expect my dyslexic daughter to be in the top 10 of her class, but by the same token I do expect my son who can run rings around me in trivial pursuit to be! When they get an award, yes! We celebrate (no money, a special occasion).

But paying for grades? No! I am not paid extra for doing my job. I get bonuses when I go ABOVE and BEYOND my job!

So what is this "family matters" stuff? I have no idea. But it is way off base. yes, I do a hi five when they do obtain their potential. But I am not going to give them money for it! That is like saying "do OK, and we will make sure you are on our wall of fame". Excuse me! I am not the Fokkers. Rewarding excellence is fine. Rewarding mediocrity is not. I am not saying drive them to extremes! But as a parent, you know them better than anyone else. And rewarding mediocrity is not going to propel them to greatness.

The delicate balance of a parent is knowing what their potential is. And for those up and coming or non-parents, let me tell you a secret.

THERE IS NO PLAYBOOK!

But the key is your love of the child and their individuality. And experience! yes, the last is there as well.

I did not drive any of my children too hard. But at the same time, I am not doing attaboys for a 3.5 when I know he can do a 4.0. I am not trashing him, but it is "OK, so where were the B's? reading? OK, why? you read the Godfather and that took you longer so they downgraded you? That is stupid! It is a much higher grade level! They should have accounted for that"

See what I mean? Accepting mediocre when you know (not objectively, subjectively) they can do better is not helping them. But seeing when the schools label them mediocre when you know they are not, is also knowing your child. And praising them when the schools do not is worth more than any money you can ever give.

money is stupid. It rewards not excellence, but just the retarded (with deference to the outstanding teachers on JU that do not fit that stereotype) mindless bureaucrats that cant differentiate between "Sam I am" and "The Godfather", only see the number of books.

Family First? Take your suggestion and support a stupid teacher! The good ones, and the good students don't need that stupidity.

Comments (Page 2)

Dr Guy

on May 19, 2006

Maybe I should think about getting another "goodie basket."

I dont think a whistle will work at his age now.

Dr Guy

on May 19, 2006

I don't intend to do it to my children, but in the case of my sister, I can see how it can help.

I probably should have worded the article better, as money can be appropriate at times. But like KFC indicated, and others, perhaps it is something else that shows your appreciation. I just resent the implication of the commercial that money is the be all and end all of good behavior.

Dr Guy

on May 19, 2006

With all the kids out there getting straight A's, is there any room for a B average and does this mean, in the future, anything less than A's is not going to be good enough?

Grades are not the penultimate that society has placed on them. I have a friend, who could be you! He taught me more about networking than any books or courses I ever took. And he was never more than a C student. Grades, however, are the way children are judged to be doing a good job because we cannot see into the future to see how they will turn out as adults. It is not always right, but it is the way of society.

dynamaso

on May 21, 2006

Grades, however, are the way children are judged to be doing a good job because we cannot see into the future to see how they will turn out as adults. It is not always right, but it is the way of society.

But I think it also is helping to create unreasonable expectations for a lot of people? Children aren't meant to be put under so much pressure to perform. Children should be allowed to develop at their own pace. Exams are really only to make sure that teachers have been doing their job.

MasonM

on May 22, 2006

One of the most rewarding school experiences I had growing up was a pilot program they were trying out in Florida at the time. Those students who maintained the highest grade averages were taken to a special facility two days a week.

It was an unstructured, nongraded school environment. Each period a large variety of classes were offered ranging from arts to writing to sciences. Each period the students could choose which class they wished to attend instead of follwing a schedule of classes.

How much or how little a student performed in these classes, or even whether to continue attending that class, was entirely up to the student. No requirements at all. I found this system to be very rewarding and learned far more than I did in the "normal" classes, as did most who attended this so-called "gifted" program.

There were no rewards in the way of grades, only personal initiative and self-motivation.

Dr Guy

on May 22, 2006

But I think it also is helping to create unreasonable expectations for a lot of people?

The hardest part of parenting is knowing when a shove is needed, and when it is too much. There are no rules or guidebooks for that, and even those who are experienced - i.e. those who have children, cannot really say how to tell when it is too much. You have to play it by ear.

Dr Guy

on May 22, 2006

There were no rewards in the way of grades, only personal initiative and self-motivation.

For the children who realize that, no prodding is needed. For the ones that do not, that is where a parent earns their stripes. Knowing when to push and demand and how much. And as I stated earlier, there is no way to determine the exact right amount.

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