Daily Dose of Weird and Whacky Headlines

Published on May 12, 2006 By Dr Guy In Humor

"Connecticut to Hire Reading Instructor for Schools"--headline, Associated Press, May 5

One reading instructor? Must not be very many students in that state!

"China Warns Tourists Against Spitting Overseas"--headline, Reuters, May 5

Spitting over land is fine however.

"After Gorilla Escape, Dallas Gets Safer"--headline, Associated Press, May 6

No one wants to meet a gorrilla in a dark alley at night!

"Heterosexual Elected Episcopal Bishop of Calif"--headline, Reuters, May 6

Is this were we say that Gays have overcome?

"DNA Tests Confirm Bear Was a Hybrid"--headline, Associated Press, May 10

Ran off food and electricity.

"Stunned Senators Hit the Road"--headline, CBC Sports Online, May 9

Let's stun some more of them and see if they bounce!

"Stevens Complaint Hits CNN's Johns"--headline, Roll Call, May 11

Now you know what file 13 means.

"Giant Human Smuggling Ring Broken Up"--headline, East Valley Tribune (Mesa, Ariz.), May 10

Andre is happy he does not have to hide from them any longer.

"Development Will Target Well-to-Do Outdoor Lovers"--headline, Atlanta Journal-Constitution, May 11

They should be doing it indoors anyway!

Comments

Dr Guy

on May 12, 2006

Connecticut to Hire Reading Instructor for Schools

I wonder if he will get a company vehicle as well, that's a lot of schools to visit everyday.

China Warns Tourists Against Spitting Overseas

I agree, do it before you leave shore.

After Gorilla Escape, Dallas Gets Safer

Maybe they forgot to mentions the rapists the gorrila caught.

Heterosexual Elected Episcopal Bishop of Calif

This gives a whole new meaning to being specific. Can this be proven BTW?

DNA Tests Confirm Bear Was a Hybrid

Well they always say the more competition there is, the better the prices will be. I don't know who they are though.

Stunned Senators Hit the Road

Dick chaeney must have traded in his gun for a tazer.

Stevens Complaint Hits CNN's Johns

I can imagine the wife of every John working in CNN calling to ask if their John was OK.

Giant Human Smuggling Ring Broken Up

Well, there goes my chance to have my very own giant.

Development Will Target Well-to-Do Outdoor Lovers

Why would you need a Developement if your outdoors anyways?

Sorry doc, couldn't resist.

Sorry DJ, I had to delete. There was an open tag. But comment noted and appreciated!

MasonM

on May 12, 2006

Dr Guy

on May 13, 2006

Reply By: MasonM

Glad I could take your mind off the stupid banks!

on May 14, 2006

Lol.

Dr Guy

on May 14, 2006

Lol.

Thanks for stopping by. Glad I could make you laugh.

dynamaso

on May 15, 2006

particularly "Development Will Target Well-to-Do Outdoor Lovers"--headline, Atlanta Journal-Constitution, May 11

If they are well-to-do what are they after they spend time outdoors? Well done...?

An aside: I heard the hybrid bear (polar/brown?) was discovered to be a hybrid after it was shot. Do you know why it was shot and where?

Dr Guy

on May 16, 2006

An aside: I heard the hybrid bear (polar/brown?) was discovered to be a hybrid after it was shot. Do you know why it was shot and where?

It was brought down in Alaska by a Hunter. Apparently they have a hunting season up there on Polar bears. It gave no other reason for being shot.

Dynosoar

on May 16, 2006

DJBandit

on May 16, 2006

Open tag? Don't know what that is. But it's OK, you posted it in a reply. At least you saw it.

Dr Guy

on May 16, 2006

Open tag? Don't know what that is.

It is like a [*quote*] without the [*/quote*] (without the astrisks of course) thing. It is not fatal in the forums, but really kills JU when trying to respond for others. As it was not a real bad one (I have done some of them! Ask Karma!), I could delete it and post your response.

HTML and me. Learning to be friends.

singrdave

on May 16, 2006

"DNA Tests Confirm Bear Was a Hybrid"--headline, Associated Press, May 10

Colbert did a great bit on this, because he is all wrapped up about BEARS.
He said that soon bears will evolve as hybrid grizzly and polar, which we saw in Canada.
Combine that with the ferocity of a black bear and the microchip circuitry of Teddy Ruxpin, and you'll have a robotic bear killing machine.

The accompanying graphic was bear, on hind legs, Robocop armor on, gun in right paw.

Dr Guy

on May 17, 2006

The accompanying graphic was bear, on hind legs, Robocop armor on, gun in right paw.

I guess we need a replacement for Freddy Krueger and Michael Myers.

Welcome Guest! Please take the time to register with us.
There are many great features available to you once you register, including:

Richer content, access to many features that are disabled for guests like commenting on the forums.
Access to a great community, with a massive database of many, many areas of interest.
Access to contests & subscription offers like exclusive emails.
It's simple, and FREE!