"Experts Discuss Escalating Suicide Rate"--headline, Australian Broadcast Corp. Web site, May 2

Why?  Isn't it high enough already?

"Chad Leader Expected to Win Re-Election"--headline, Associated Press, May 3

Are those the dimpled or hanging ones?

"Study Says Many Options for Alcoholics"--headline, Associated Press, May 2

Tom Collins, Gin and Tonic, Cosmopolitan, Bloody Mary, etc.

"River Goes Dry Before Scientists' Eyes"--headline, Charlotte (Fla.) Sun, May 3

Guess the scientists were trying to 'cry me a river'.

"Trampoline Injuries on the Rise"--headline, United Press International, May 2

I thought it was on the descent?

"Break Looms Within American Baptist Church"--headline, Associated Press, April 29

Ok, we know about Baptists and alcohol, but weaving?  Cut me a break!

"War Funding Clears Senate, Fight Expected"--headline, Associated Press, May 4

That is why it is War Funding, right?

"Sept. 11 Memorial Costs Balloon"--headline, Atlanta Journal-Constitution (second item), May 5

Was it a mylar or latex balloon?

"Sweeping Education Bill Passes"--headline, Gainesville (Fla.) Sun, May 5

I have heard of vocational education, but for janitor jobs?