"Scientist: Let Cows Be Cows"--headline, Stuff (New Zealand), April 6

I wonder if they are Psychologist Scientists?

"Fish Holds Breath for Months"--headline, LiveScience.com, April 7

Wouldn't you if you had to live in your own toilet?

"Experts Fly In for Maggot Summit"--headline, Manchester (England) Evening News, April 11

Fly in for Maggots?  Which came first, the chicken of the egg?  The Fly or the Maggot?

"Oprah Winfrey: Wealth Is 'a Good Thing' "--headline, People, April 11

Oprah has the hots for Gordon Geccko!

"Boy Scouts Face Split"--headline, Inland Valley Daily Bulletin (Ontario, Calif.), April 13

Does that make them 2-faced?

"Investigator: Dante's Fire Accidental"--headline, Spartanburg (S.C.) Herald-Journal, April 13

The Devil forgot to pay his fuel bill?

"Bush impresses Brewers with demeanor, competitiveness"--subheadline, Milwaukee Journal Sentinel, April 11

Competitive drinking?

"Boulder Woman Jailed Over Garage Door"--headline, KMGH-TV Web site (Denver), April 13

Couldn't they just use a cell in her garage instead?