"High Court Takes Up Case of bin Laden's Driver"--headline, Baltimore Sun, March 28

They failed to consider his putter however.

"Texas Police Look in Bars for Signs of Drunkenness"--headline, Washington Times, March 29

Is that like looking for coals in New castle?  Sand in Saudi Arabia?

"Experts: TV Doesn't Always Know Best"--headline, USA Today, March 29

Everyone knows, that Father Knows Best.

"Brain Development and Intelligence Linked, Study Says"--headline, Washington Post, March 30

And here I thought it was due to the kidneys!

"Tax Collector Guilty of Theft, Cleared of Misconduct"--headline, Star-Ledger (Newark, N.J.), March 30

So stealing is not misconduct to the IRS?

"Yanni Won't Face Domestic Battery Charge"--headline, Associated Press, March 31

He got a car charger.

"County Will Continue to Goose Geese"--headline, Mid-Hudson News Network (Middletown, N.Y.), April 1

Is that where they get their honks?

"Goto to Go to Prison for 25 to 75 Years"--headline, Union Leader (Manchester, N.H.), March 23

Yea, but does he have to stay there stay there?