"Rene Preval faces a taunting task in impoverished Haiti after being declared the winner of the presidential election."--photo caption, CNN.com, Feb. 17

Does that make him a sore winner?

"Officer's Fatal Accident Is His Second"--headline, Courier-Journal (Louisville, Ky.), Feb. 15

He should have stayed dead after the first one.

"Lack of New Jobs Mars Growth Outlook"--headline, Financial Times, Feb. 15

Those Martians are just lazy.

"Landslide-Hit Village Was Disaster About to Happen--Experts"--headline, INQ7.net (Philippines), Feb. 23

About to happen?  You mean they are scheduled for another disaster?

"Deer Die After Antlers Lock During Combat"--headline, Associated Press, Feb. 24

Government demands warning labels be attached to all antlers.

"We Should Not Condone Naked Lawyer-Bashing"--headline, Scotsman, Feb. 28

Only Clothed lawyers can be bashed.

"Circus Company Goes on Trial in Spy Suit"--headline, Associated Press, Feb. 27

I guess the Judge frowned on the clown suit?

"Muslim Terrorist Sentenced to Life in Indonesia"--headline, Jerusalem Post, Feb. 27

Indonesia is now a penal colony?