Friendship

Published on March 2, 2006 By Dr Guy In Blogging

Deference got Moderateman to thinking of what friendship is, so MM wrote a blog on it. And the answers so far are very insightful. But thinking further on it, I wanted to add to my response to MM.

Friendship is the ability to tell your friend they are wrong when they are wrong. While they may think what they are doing is right, a true friend will get in your face and tell you why they think it is wrong to do something. If that destroys the friendship, then it was never really a 2 way friendship to begin with.

Friendship also means that when the friend stumbles, you are there to catch them or help them up. Or as DrMiler says, "sit next to them in the jail cell saying - that was a hell of a blast!". Basically it is sticking by them when they do make mistakes, and helping them correct the mistakes. Not running away at the first sign of trouble.

Friendship is also sharing in the good times. But then even acquaintances do that.

IN bad times, friendship is loaning someone the shirt off your back, and not asking when it will be returned. If it is true friendship, it will be, there is no need to ask.

God picks our relatives, but only we can pick our friends. Friendship lasts beyond the bounds of distance and time. A true friend 20 years ago is still one today, even if a continent or ocean separates you.

But most of all, friendship is not divisive. A friend will never ask you to pick sides in their fight. If you are a true friend, then you know your side. If you are a true friend to both people, then you also know enough to stay out of it until they resolve their differences. For true friends will in the end. And then both will resent you for choosing a side, whether it was theirs or the others. And that is a friendship killer.

It is often said that divorce kills friendships. Not really. But if it is a bitter divorce, friends stay away so that they do not get in the middle. And if the parties never reconcile, then there is never a chance for the old friends to reconcile either.

I guess in short, a friend does not put a burden on you. You put the burden upon yourself. They do not need to ask you, for you have already volunteered.

Comments

Trudygolightly

on Mar 02, 2006

wow, talk about insightful Doc! pick a paragraph, any paragraph! and there it is, the relationship I have with my friend Carol, and the relationship with my kid sister.

I liked this whole thing, wasn't any of it that isn't right on target.

Whooeeee.

Wish I could give more than one cookie for it.

Dynosoar

on Mar 02, 2006

Dr Guy

on Mar 02, 2006

I liked this whole thing, wasn't any of it that isn't right on target.

WOW! That statement was better than any cookie! I am glad you liked it. I just felt that it was needed in light of the threads going around, especially Moderateman looking for answers, and this was just too long for a comment.

Dr Guy

on Mar 02, 2006

Reply By: Dynosoar

Thanks Dyno!

trueandfree

on Mar 02, 2006

Great post Doc.. Thank you

JillUser

on Mar 02, 2006

I think there are different types of friendship. There are casual friends that are more than acquaintences but not close enough that you turn to them when it's something really personal. There are close friends and those are the type that are few and far between. If you have a couple of truly close friends in your life, you are lucky.

A close friend can be happy for your successes rather than jealous. A close friend will let you vent to them without going to someone else and complaining about what a whiner you are. A close friend knows all your faults and loves you anyway. Close friends are rare and precious.

I agree with all you said here Dr. Guy. I especially agree that a true friend will give it to you straight and will remain friends with you even when you tell them things they don't want to hear.

I personally take friendship seriously and so does my hubby. For him, friends are definitely the family you choose since he is an only child of a single parent family. Friends are extremely dear to him. It is always extremely hurtful when you feel a closer friendship with someone than they feel for you. There's nothing more painful than unrequited love.

foreverserenity

on Mar 02, 2006

Great blog Doc!

Dr Guy

on Mar 02, 2006

Great post Doc.. Thank you

Thank you for reading!

Dr Guy

on Mar 02, 2006

think there are different types of friendship. There are casual friends that are more than acquaintences but not close enough that you turn to them when it's something really personal. There are close friends and those are the type that are few and far between. If you have a couple of truly close friends in your life, you are lucky.

There are many degrees of friendship, and yes I was being simplistic in saying there were friends and acquaintances. By my definition, close friends are the ones you are talking about, and the casual are the acquaintances I was lumping together.

As for Brad, having grown up in a large family, I sometimes wished for only child status, but that was just in fits of pique. I could never know what an only is like, and in reality I am glad I was not one. For my siblings know more about me than anyone else, including my parent. I think you once said you had a sister. If so, then you know what I mean about siblings and sharing.

Dr Guy

on Mar 02, 2006

Great blog Doc!

Thanks Forever! I just tried to say it as best I could, but I still felt it lacked something.

cmorton

on Mar 03, 2006

I have had two close friends, or at least that is what I thought they were. You find things out as you go along in life.
These two friends didn't like each other but were both friends of mine. They would argue and want me to always take sides.
one would put the other down, and they wuold constatnly back bite each other.

One day I told them that I wasn't taking sides and I am tired of the constant bickering. I told both of them if they wanted my friendship then I had to remain neutral, because I was friends with both of them. I have been friends with the two for over 25 years, and I had to put up with their constant bickering. When there would be parties and functions that we would get invited to, the two friends would always try and out do one another, or try and invite me first before the other, or one wouldn't go if the other was going to be there.

So I have established a zero no tolerance attitude. I told the two of them how ridiculous they were being, and that I wasn't going to favour one over the other, and that they were both my friends. I also told them if they didn't respect me and always put me in the middle, that I was going to make myself very scarce,and that either one of them wouldn't be in my company.

So finally they both got smart and developed "LIVES" ,and I started to have some peace. The funny thing is after all that, is: I am not friends with either one of them to this day! They both went their seperate ways, and I couldn't be happier. I didn;t realize it at the time, but I have been always warned about the two of them by other people. In this world there are givers and takers, and those two were definately takers. I have learned some valuable lessons regarding friendship, and they were definately not me friends.

Friendships are special, and you don't abuse them. you have to have mutual respect and understanding for one another.
I use to get angry when I would think about the time I would spend on them, and the energy that I have wasted.
The last straw was when one of them rejected my friendship, because she couldn't control or manipulate me any longer.
It hurt, because she actually discarded the friendship I once valued.

I thought more of the friendship then she did. So it was based on what I could do for her and what she could get.
Now that I look back, she always came out ahead, or she always was the one to have something to gain.
It has taught me not to over extend myself, and that I can actually say no.
If I want t.o give something, it will be on my terms, and from the heart as always.
"True friends" are rare and that you should cherish the ones that stand the test of time.

Dr Guy

on Mar 03, 2006

Friendships are special, and you don't abuse them. you have to have mutual respect and understanding for one another. I use to get angry when I would think about the time I would spend on them, and the energy that I have wasted. The last straw was when one of them rejected my friendship, because she couldn't control or manipulate me any longer. It hurt, because she actually discarded the friendship I once valued.

Friendships are special, but as you found out, sometimes those we befriend, only want what is it in for them. That is a one way friendship, and hardest to deal with. For you gave your friendship, but she only took in return.

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