"Earth Is Smaller Than Thought, New Measurements Show"--headline, National Geographic, July 9

It really is a small world after all.

"France Needs to Quit Thinking and 'Get to Work' "--headline, CNNMoney.com, July 10

Maybe they are just thinking of getting to work?

"Prince William to Check Immigration Status"--headline, Washington Times, July 11

Even the Royals are not immune!

"Internet Blamed for Shanghai Teen Pregnancies"--headline, Reuters, July 10

Shades of the Omni Brain!  Computers are now impregnating people!

"Joke Comprehension May Decrease With Age"--headline, Associated Press, July 10

More likely, they have just heard them all before.

"Sun Accused of Putting Users at Risk"--headline, PC World, July 10

The real cause of Global warming discovered!  the Sun is killing us.

"Wise Teacher Pleads Guilty to Contributing to Delinquency of Minor"--headline, Bristol (Va.) Herald Courier, July 11

Stupid teachers must not know how.

"Councilman Proposes No Hanging Out on Public Square Law"--headline, WEWS-TV Web site (Cleveland), July 12

Horse theives relieved.

"US Food Companies Hit by China Ban"--headline, Financial Times, July 15

Paper plate stocks take off on the news.

"India Seen Sticking to Guns at U.S. Nuclear Talks"--headline, Reuters, July 14

"They will pry my gun from my cold dead fingers...." is now being outsourced as well.

"Grouper to Serve as Online Talent Agency"--headline, Associated Press, July 16

Guess that agency is "fishing" for talent.

"Skulls confirm we're all out of Africa" --headline, AOL July 18

Or Africa confirms we are all out of our Skulls.