"Wild Potatoes, Peanuts at Risk From Global Warming"--headline, Reuters, May 22

Snoopy and Mrs. Potato head got sunburned.

"Minister Accused of Having 8 Wives in Jail"--headline, WGCL-TV Web site (Atlanta), May 21

He knows how to find the crooked ladies!

"Officials: Body is Missing Constable"--headline, Associated Press, May 21

At least the police are ahead of the game.

"Paula Abdul Misses Dog, Breaks Nose"--headline, CNN.com, May 22

Kind of an extreme form of mourning.

"Hamsters on Viagra Have Less Jet Lag, Research Shows"--headline, Bloomberg, May 21

Parts of them get to their destination quicker!

"Woman Sues Wal-Mart After Vomit Slip" --headline, Foxnews, May 31

I presonally prefer silk on my ladies, but whatever floats your boat!

"Wild Turkey Injures School Bus Driver"--headline, Associated Press, May 22

Jack Daniels would have killed him!

"KFC in Japan: No Cole Slaw After Glass Find" --headline, Foxnews, June 1

JU has a foriegn correspondant?

"Musician canned for focus on wrong organ" --headline, Boston Globe, May 30

"Martha!  Pick up some canned tuna and musician while you are at the store."

"Governor Tapes Ad to Back Seat Belt Use"--headline, Boston Globe, May 25

NOt as painful as the "Kick me" ones.

"U.S. Ambassadors To Pursue Duel-Track Strategy in Talks With Iran"--headline, FoxNews.com, May 27

Lessons from Hamilton and Burr no doubt.

"80-Pound Lizard Flees After Shooting"--headline, Chicago Tribune, May 29

First SUVs, now gecckos!  We need gun control to keep guns out of the hands of non-homosapiens!

"Death Camps May Charge Entrance Fee"--headline, Jerusalem Post, May 31

I thought they already did.  It is called Inheritance tax.

"Children Good at Approximate Math: Study"--headline, Reuters, May 30

"2 + 2 = 5".  That is approximately right.