With Kudos to Adventure Dude who is going through a sort of crises because he is wanted, I bring you my Phobia blog!

AD has more hangups than I about giving, but I hope he does decide to.  For while I don't see blood as the Generational marker he does, I share his phobia to needles.

Not fear.  Not aversion. Not disdain. Not dislike.

Phobia. 

Phobias are irrational fears that are not supported by rational thought.  Indeed, that is exactly what they are.  I have 2.  how I got them, only the maker knows!  One is Heights.  The other is needles.

I am not talking about big honker needles that you can drive a pickup through.  I am talking about ANY needle.  When I was a child, I dreamed of being a drug addict.  But failed.

Just kidding!  But I did dream of becoming a doctor.  My family has a rich tradition of them.  But my early child hood was marred by my abject fear of needles, and so that was never to be.

How do I manage to give blood, 5-6 times a year?  It ain't easy.  And no, I don't go on the 56 day to give again.  I always find an excuse, but the VBS (Virginia Blood Service - Not Very Big Smile Trudy ) keeps after me and then traps me!  No excuse and no way to back out.

it takes me about a day and a half to steel myself for the experience.  I guess my aversion is as transparent as glass as I always get the inevitable question "are you OK".  not once, usually 3 or 4 times.  I do explain that I do not like needles, but to someone sticking you, they cannot comprehend the depth of my aversion.  And I do not try to explain.  They have other arms to stick and a job to do.  My problem is not their problem, it is my problem.

But after subjecting myself to this awful torture, and emerging unscathed (most of the time) with just a pretty bandage to show for it (I like the Lime Green the best), I experience a mini euphoria.  I beat the beast!  I stared into the mouth of hell and emerged victorious!

Does that sound too poetic?  Too fantasy? Then you have never beaten your phobia and won.  Words are inadequate to describe the relief.  it is a relief! 

So what are my first thought upon finishing?  That I just may have saved 7 people?  That the next John Hinckley was just thwarted by my sacrifice?  That the victim of the drunk driver is going to live?

No!  My first thought is "I don't have to worry about this for 8 weeks"! How noble!  How grand!  How stupid!

But such is a phobia.

I don't give blood for pins, t-shirts, or accolades.  I would rather give the homeless guy a 20 so he can buy his next day's bread.

I do it because God gave me (cursed me?) with sweet blood that anyone can take.  And with a life that did not expose me to the negative markers. 

And for this, he also gave me the fear of needles so that every time I did give, I would not become arrogant and smug of what I was doing.  Instead, I realize what my blood will do.

I am no saint.  I have horns that most devils admire.  I do it because one day, the person who is saved may be close to me, or you, or our loved ones.  I do it because I can.  And God made sure I would never feel arrogant about it.  Just fear it.

Adventure Dude, please give.  Fear can be overcome.  Shortages cannot be without what we do.